Gregor

Monster #: 2,375

What Is It: A friendly alien.

What Does It Want: To say "hi" I guess.

Are All Aliens As Nice As Him: No.

Fuck: I feel the same.

Ogilvie and Staker

Monster #: 29,843

What Are They: A duo of monsters.

What Do They Want: Ogilvie (the orange one) wants to to be friends with Staker (the yellow one).

What Does Staker Want: Uh... something different than what Ogilvie wants, that's for sure.

Theses Guys Aren't the New Bert and Ernie, Are They: Oh no.

Kkraag

Monster #: 98,596

What Is It: A big, big monster.

What Does It Want: Not Known At This Time.

What's It Smiling About: I don't know. Nothing good I bet.

I Wish the Monsters Would Like Me: Me too.

Eeya the Fair

Monster #: 21,390

What Is It: She is a fairy, like the kind that doesn't exist much anymore.

What Does She Want: To survive.

What's Wrong: There are lots of big, nasty things out there that like to eat fairies.

That's Sad: Even magical creatures have problems.

The Krivener

Monster #: 94,465

What Is It: A powerful, dangerous monster.

What Does It Want: To execute whatever its master wishes.

Is Its Master A Good Person: Haha no.

Ah, Shit: Yep, that's the response the Krivener evokes.

The Skaraab

Monster #: 9,592

What Is It: An ancient artifact of untold power.

What Does It Do: It gives you untold power. We don't know much more than that.

Where Is It: Well, that monster is giving it to that monster.

So, We're Doomed Already Then: You bet.

The Gazer

Monster #: 4,584

What Is It: A creature from beyond our dimension.

What Does It Want: To watch us.

Why: We cannot possibly fathom why.

Is It Cuz He's A Jerk: Possibly.

Rivas

Monster #: 982,034

What Is It: A very creepy female spirit.

What Does She Want: No idea. I don't like the look she's giving you though.

She's Not Looking At Me, She's Looking At You!: Sorry buddy, she only has eyes for you.

OH NO!!!: Hey, maybe she won't be evil.

Really: Nah.

Viaunda

Monster #: 100,034

What Is It: A lady demon who can see you.

What Does She Want: She wants to talk to you.

Why: Because you are a very interesting person.

Wait, No I'm NOT: Fine, she wants to suck out your soul. Happy now?

Yes, I Appreciate the Honesty: Good. I'm glad.

The Showman

Monster #: 1,056

What Is It: A showman monster.

What Does It Want: He wants to put on The Greatest Show On Earth.

What Is The Greatest Show On Earth: Its destruction.

Not Much of a Show: Well, not for us.

The Smiling Face

Monster #: 2,045

What Is It: A smiling face.

Why Is It Smiling: Because it knows something you don't.

Is The Face... Evil: Probably.

Yeah, THAT'S Reassuring: Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

The Dregnargg

Monster #: 9,239

What Is It: A very nasty, vicious monster.

What Does It Want: It wants whatever wants and doesn't care how it gets it.

What Is It Doing: It appears to be staring at something.

That's Not Good: Not for what it's staring at, that's for sure!

Traljok

Monster #: 5,205

What Is It: A very mean fish.

What Does It Want: To bully other, smaller fish.

Wait, Does This Fish Have Legs: Yes.

But, HOW: Swam into radioactive waste, what else?

Krong

Monster #: 89,235

What Is It: The cruel king of the planet Kremularg.

What Does It Want: To be mean to all his subjects.

Why: 'cuz he's a jerk.

But WHY Is He Such a Jerk: Because he can be. It's like life, man.

Whoah: Whoah.

The Green-Eyed Demon

Monster #: 67,145

What Is It: A shapeless demon that possess whomever it sees fit.

What Does It Want: What else? To cause trouble.

Why: Gotta get your kicks somewhere, I guess?

How Can I Tell If Someone Is Possessed: If they have green eyes. Only demons have green eyes.

Oh No! My Best Friend Has Green Eyes: Oh no!

What Do I Do!!?: Beats us! We're just scientists! We don't actually know anything!

Graubaum

Monster #: 3,682

What Is It: Some sort of smiling monster.

What Does It Want: Hell if I know. We don't know everything about these things damnit!

Jeez, Sorry: Yeah, well, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped.

This One Little Monster Has Caused Us To Get Mad At Each Other: It truly is the most evil monster there is.

The Gentleman

Monster #: 983,402

What Is It: He is the gentleman of the universe.

What Does That MEAN: He travels from planet to planet, gentleman-ing it up.

What Does THAT Mean: He acts as sort of an ambassador to the planet's dignataries.

And What Does THAT Mean: He decides whether a planet lives or dies. There, you happy?

No: WELL NEITHER AM I!!!

Stanton's Ghost

Monster #: 6,003

What Is It: The ghost of the fearsome western gangster, Henry Stanton.

What Does It Want: To haunt the men who gunned him down.

Wait, Who Gunned Him Down: The sheriff and his law enforcement.

How's That Fair: What do you mean?

Why Should An Evil Crook Get the Chance to Haunt the Good People Who Stopped Him: Uh.... life's not fair?

That's Not a Very Good Answer: Look, we're trying!

Roktenn

Monster #: 78,367

What Is It: A very clever, conniving monster.

What Does It Want: It looks like it wants to trick that poor kid.

What's He Smiling About: Man, you don't want to know.

I Don't Like This Guy At All: Join the club!

The Dark One

Monster #: 85,295

What Is It: A nasty creature that lives in the dark.

What Does It Want: Why your soul, what else.

What Does It Want With My Soul: He's a collector.

Oh, Like a Comic Book Collector: Yeah, sort of.

With Souls Instead of Comic Books: Yes.

...Still Don't Like Him: Can't blame ya'.