Friday, May 25, 2012

Unknown #5

Monster #: 956

What Is It: Not Known At This Time.

What Does It Want: Not Known At This Time.

Where Is This: Some place scary.

Is It Looking At Me: Yes. Oh no...

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Party Monsters

Monster #: 452

What Are They: Monsters that like to party!

What Do They Want: To party with you!

Really: Yep! Anytime you're getting down to party, they're gonna join in and party too!

Wow! Any Downsides: After they party, they kill you! Awesome!

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Blorb

Monster #: 802

What Is It: A hideous, ugly, blob-thing

What Does It Want: Who knows.

What Does It Do: Just be ugly and hideous.

How Can I Avoid It: Run away! Run away!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Bad Thoughts

Monster #: 15

What Are They: The dark, cruel beliefs that lurk in the back of your mind.

What Do They Want: To turn you into a horrible person.

Why: Why not?

How Can I Stop Them: Think twice before you say something.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Snake

Monster #: 1

What Is It: The snake from the Adam and Eve story. Duh.

What Does It Want: To corrupt mankind.

Wait, So Does This Mean The Bible is Literally True: Nah. Cavemen evolved into Adam and Eve.

Wait, How Does That Work: I don't know. Ask a real scientist.

Monday, May 14, 2012


Monster #: 612

What Is It: A giant monster that stalks you at night.

What Does It Want: To make you pay for what you've done.

But What If I Haven't Done Anything: You've done something.

How Can I Stop Him: He can't be stopped.

Oh Boy...: Yeah...

Friday, May 11, 2012


Monster #: 452

What Is It: An annoying little creature that loves attention.

What Does It Want: For you to notice it. At all times.

Why: He was a lonely child.

Really: I don't know! Some monsters are just needy.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Monster #: 520

What Is It: A nervous little monster that doesn't like the attention.

What Does It Want: To be left alone.

Why Doesn't It Like the Attention: Dooley doesn't want to disappointment anybody.

Aw, He Sounds So Sad: You'd be sad too if your head was bigger than your body.

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Eyes of Fate

Monster #: 991

What Is It: The Eyes of Fate. Duh.

No, Really: The Eyes see all and know all. They know your fate.

But What About Free Will: They know every decision you could possibly make.

Even...That Decision: Yes, especially that decision.

Friday, May 4, 2012

The Moon

Monster #: 4

What Is It: It's the Moon!

What, Really: Yep, the Moon is alive!

Huh: Yeah, haven't you ever heard of the "Faces of the Moon?"

I Thought It Was Phases: No, that's stupid.

Well, What Does It Want: We don't know. Make goofy faces at us maybe?

God I'm So Confused: Well, that's your problem.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Monster #: 52

What Is It: A really big monster.

What Does It Do: Work at a hotel reception desk.

Really: Yeah.

Why: You'll be too scared to ask for extra mints on your pillow, that's why.