Friday, January 29, 2016


Monster #: 3.289

What Is It: A cute little creature with grass for hair.

What Does It Want: To spread joy and cheer and all that stuff.

Wait, Really Grass For Hair: Yes indeed.

Does She Use A Lawnmower to Cut Her Hair: Yes, yes you understand the bit.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Gozakk

Monster #: 5,983

What Is It: A gigantic inter-dimensional abomination.

What Does It Want: To rip through the very Space-Time Continuum.

Why: Everybody needs a hobby.

I Like Collecting Baseball Cards: That's not useful information, buddy.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Ogilvie and Staker

Monster #: 29,843

What Are They: A duo of monsters.

What Do They Want: Ogilvie (the orange one) wants to to be friends with Staker (the yellow one).

What Does Staker Want: Uh... something different than what Ogilvie wants, that's for sure.

Theses Guys Aren't the New Bert and Ernie, Are They: Oh no.

Friday, January 22, 2016


Monster #: 23,994

What Is It: A mysterious and beautiful creature.

What Does She Want: Who knows. She doesn't look happy though.

What Could Be Making Her So Unhappy: I don't know, "Making A Murdere?"

Yeah, That Show Made Me Sad Too: I feel the same.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Donna Light

Monster #: 58,384

What Is It: A cute little monster full of electricity.

What Does She Want: She just wants to dance!

Is There A Problem: Yeah, she's so full of electricity she shocks all the other dancers. And the crew people. And the audience.

Yikes: Yeah, it's a real bummer.

Monday, January 18, 2016


Monster #: 6,783

What Is It: A gigantic, lava-filled monster.

What Does It Want: To get rid of its terrible heartburn.

What's Causing the Heartburn: Are you really asking this?

Oh, Right, the Lava: Glad you caught up. Dumbass.

Friday, January 15, 2016


Monster #: 46,828

What Is It: Just a cute little monster.

What Does She Want: Being cute I guess.

There's More To Life Than Being Cute: That sounds like something a person who isn't cute would say.

...: Well?

Yeah...: That's what I thought.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The Dollarman

Monster #: 2,404

What Is It: A businessman/ghost.

What Does It Want: To make money, I guess.

Who's the Woman: His partner maybe?

Think She'll Go Out On a Date With Me: Uh... I don't know? Why are you asking this.

Nevermind, Don't Worry About It: This isn't a dating service, OK? This is serious stuff.

Monday, January 11, 2016


 Monster #: 6,783

What Is It: A tremendously annoying monster.

What Does It Want: To spend all of its time with you.

Why: He doesn't have any friends.

Is It Because He Tries To Spend All of His Time With Them: That's a bingo.

Friday, January 8, 2016

The Jelpling

Monster #: 839,859

What Is It: A little scamp.

What Does It Want: To scavenge for food and avoid capture.

What Does It Like to Eat: Duck a l'Orange.

This Thing Has Pretty Refined Tastes: Yeah, he's a little snobbish.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016


Monster #: 959,398

What Is It: A robot from the distant future.

What Does It Want: To escape from it's programming and live it's own (cyber) life.

Where Is It: The year 2145.

Do We Have Hovercars By Then: No. So stop asking.

Monday, January 4, 2016


Monster #: 98,596

What Is It: A big, big monster.

What Does It Want: Not Known At This Time.

What's It Smiling About: I don't know. Nothing good I bet.

I Wish the Monsters Would Like Me: Me too.