Friday, December 23, 2011

"Debut" on Your TV

Hey folks, there aren’t going too many updates for the rest of the year. Christmas time has hit and even monsters celebrate the holiday season.

But don’t worry, 2012 will bring many more monsters to your computer screen!

Also: in 2010 I created an award-winning short film, “Debut.” That short is going to air on the KCTS (Washington State’s PBS affiliate) program “Reel NW” this December 26th at 10:00pm. If you don’t live in Washington State you can check it out on their website ( after it airs.

If you’ve got the time I hope you watch it! It’s only 2 minutes!

Happy holidays,

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Lava Monster

Monster #: 509

What Is It: A giant creature that lives among the volcanoes.

What Does It Want: To feast upon the lava flowing from the erupting volcanoes.

Is It Dangerous: Not as long as you leave it alone.

What Does Lava Taste Like: It's pretty hot, let me tell you...

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Slurk

Monster #: 298

What Is It: An ugly little critter that lives in drinking water.

Wait, Drinking Water: Yep. Tap water, bottled water, water fountains, you name it.

What Does It Want: The slurk just wants to live its life free from hassle.

It Made An Exceedingly Poor Decision: Well, you can't win 'em all.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Rock Monster

Monster #: 323
What Is It: A hard-rockin'  monster that likes to party!

What Does It Want: To party! To hard rock music!

He Sounds Pretty Cool: He is!

Does He Have A Face Under That Hair: Who knows!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

You and Yourself

Monster #: 3

What Is It: Normally you're a cheerful, well-adjusted person, right? Well, there's a part of you that isn't so nice.

Where Does It Come From: It comes from that bitter, misanthropic part of your mind.

What Happens When It Gets Loose: Well, you won't have too many friends anymore, that's for sure.

How Can I Stop It: Whenever you get angry over something or someone, ask yourself, "Is it really worth ragin' over?"

Monday, December 5, 2011


Monster #: 513

What Is It: An unlucky man with a nasty creature for his right hand.

Really: Yep. Also the creature craves human flesh.

That's Too Bad: But hey, it makes him a great puppeteer!

Well, I Guess That's Cool: See, you've always gotta look on the bright side.

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Shifter #2

Monster #: 715
What Is It: An amorphous creature made out of reflected light.

What Does It Want: This brand of shifter likes to frighten what it considers lesser beings.

Why: Some things can't be known.

That's Kind Of a Cop Out: Don't be that way.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Lizarians

Monster #: 75

What Are They: A species of lizard monsters that are born either happy or sad and stay that way for the rest of their lives.

Wow, That Sounds Terrible: No wait, let me explain!

How Does That Work: The happy Lizarians keep the sad Lizarians from being too sad, and the sad Lizarians keep the happy Lizarians from being too happy.

What A Weird, Weird Relationship: Yeah, kinda.

Monday, November 28, 2011

The Gutsler

Monster #: 462

What Is It: A pretty damned-foul creature with a lotta inside-parts.

What Is It Doing: We have no idea. Maybe trying to impress a mate?

Who Would Be Impressed By That: Hey, people can be into weird stuff.

I Don't Feel So Good: Yeah, well, we can't blame you. Sorry.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Charlie Monster

Monster #: 833

What Is It: A large, friendly monster that lives in bedrooms.

What Does It Want: All he wants is to be your friend!

Has He Made Any Friends: No. But that doesn't mean he should stop trying.

How Does He Fit Through The Door: That's a good question that can't be answered right now. Sorry!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Monsters' Day Off

Hey folks, just a heads up: there will be no monster posted this Friday. Our monster friends deserve a break I think.

So this Friday, instead of checking out this blog, go see "The Muppets" instead.

Come on man, puppets rule.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Monday, November 21, 2011

Demon Dog

Monster #: 251

What Is It: An excitable little pooch that's also a demon.

Likes: Playing fetch, chasing it's tail, chewing on souls

Dislikes: The vacuum cleaner, cats, humanity

What To Do If You See It: Whatever you do, don't scratch under it's chin. That's just a bad, bad idea.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Sylvia the Snake

Monster #: 73

What Is She: A friendly little snake that wouldn't hurt anyone.

Really?: Well, unless you're a mouse.

What Does She Want: To live her life the best way she can.

Don't We All?: Indeed we do.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Shadow Being

Monster #: 452

What Is It: A creature that exists only as a shadow.

What Does It Want: To scare people.

Why: What else is it gonna do?

Maybe It Could Not Be So Mean: Oh, come on.

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Zit

Monster #: 3

What Is It: A truly evil little creature that feeds on the skin of teenagers.

What Does It Want: To cause pain and suffering to millions of people across the world.

How Can It Be Stopped: It can't. It just keeps coming back.

I Don't Think It's An Actual Monster: I guess you didn't go to high school then!

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Shifter

Monster #: 714

What Is It?: An amorphous creature made out of reflected light.

Reflected Light?: Yes. The shifter uses reflected light to camouflage itself.

What Does It Want?: To stay hidden from the eyes of mankind.

What Happens If We See It: Well...let's just say it knows how to defend itself.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Jump and Slump

Monsters #: 310 and 311

What Are They: Two monsters with polar opposite personalities.

What Do They Want: Jump wants to play with Slump and Slump wants Jump to leave him alone.

How Often Does That Happen: Every moment of every day.

So They're Not Much of a Threat?: Nah.

Monday, November 7, 2011

The NightBeast

Monster #: 502

What is It: A mean, nasty creature that comes out at night.

What Does It Want: Not much. Just to hunt people.

Who's the Guy: A detective that's gotten in over his head.

Will He Survive: He's a tough old bird. He's got a shot.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Li'l Gargoyles

Monster #: 881

What Are They: Cute little gargoyles that hang out on the tops of buildings.

Aren't Gargoyles Man-made statues: Oh, don't be silly.

What Do They Want: Hideout until they become adult gargoyles.

What Happens When They Become Adult Gargoyles: That's a different monster profile.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Unknown #3

What Is It: A mysterious creature that appears in cities on dark nights.

What Does It Want: Not known at this time.

Is It Related to the Fog Somehow: Maybe.

I'm Scared: Yeah, well...

Monday, October 31, 2011


Monster #: 701

What Is It: An unlucky-in-love monster that just wants to go out on a date.

Why: Even monsters want to feel love.

Aw, That's Kinda Sweet: Yeah, it kinda is.

I Still Wouldn't Date Him Though: Completely understandable.

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Ghost of the Web

Monster #: 312

What Is It: A ghost that travels throughout the internet.

What Does It Do: Pop out of devices linked to the internet just so it can scare the pants off you.

Wait, Isn't Everything Linked to the Internet These Days?: Yeah, pretty much.

Well...Shoot: It's not great news, that's for sure.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Bogens

Monster #: 857

What Are They: Disturbingly cheerful monsters that haunt your dreams.

My Dreams: Yes, your dreams. They're like Freddy Krueger, only scarier.

How Can I Avoid Them: Make sure you live a life of altruism and selflessness.

So, I Can't Avoid Them, Can I: Nope. Doesn't hurt to try though!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Big Bass

Monster #: 32

What Is It: A gigantic fish with gigantic teeth that roams the sea.

What Does It Want: To eat.

What Does It Want To Eat: Oh, it's not picky.

I Don't Like The Sound of That: Yeah, well, I can't blame ya.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Greckle

Monster #: 523

What Is It: A nasty little imp that likes annoying people.

Likes: Causing mischief, inflicting pain.

Dislikes: People who don't play with him, time outs.

Last Seen: Having fun at the Mall of America.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Facelings

Monster #: 613

What Are They: Weird, amoeba-like creatures.

Where Do They Live: Just below the surface of our own perceptions.

Are They Dangerous: They seem to be more interested in each other than us.

What If Happens If They Become Interested in Us: Why you always gotta be asking questions like that?

Monday, October 17, 2011


Monster #: 116

What is He: A tongue with a mind of its own.

What Does He Want: He just wants to entertain!

Where Did He Get That Tiny Top Hat: From a tiny hat store.

Wait, There's a Tiny Hat Store in This Guy's Mouth: No, that would be silly. In his throat.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Oyon the Wise

Monster #: 57

What is He: A Mystic that lives at the top of the Mountains.

Is He Actually a Mystic: His disciples certainly hope he is.

Who's the Other Guy: A follower looking for enlightenment.

Will Oyon Help Him Out: Probably not.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Jip and Kip

Monsters: 900 and 901

What Are They: Weird, weird little critters.

What Do They Do: They sorta bounce while they walk in no particular direction.

Are They Dangerous: When they stop smiling.

What Happens When They Stop Smiling: You don't want to know.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Willa the Wisp

Monster #: 635

What is She: A strange spirit from another realm.

What Does She Do: Dances an odd dance at the witching hour on All Hallows Eve.

Who Are Her Friends: Poltergeists who want to join in on the fun.

What To Do If You See Her: Too late. You're part of the fun now.

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Treltzs

Monster # 883

What Are They: Creepy, weird creatures of unknown origin.

What Do They Want: We don't know. We don't want to know.

Are They Related to Those "Gray" Aliens: Maybe. Go ask Whitley Streiber.

Why Don't You Ask Him: Look, I'm busy, OK?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Monster #349

What Is It: A nasty little crustacean that digs into your ear with its weird tentacle/claws.

Why Would It Do That: Because it's a jerk? Not much is known beyond that...

What Happens After It Attacks My Ear: You're going to have one hell of a headache.

How Can I Stop It: Ear plugs. We think.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Doktor and Ivor

Monster #551

Who Are They: A mad scientist and his evil creation

What is the Creation: We don't know. Something big.

He's Rather Nasty Looking: The scientist or the creature?

Last Seen: At the Doktor's castle, somewhere in Eastern Europe.

Friday, September 30, 2011


Monster #: 413

What Is It: A babysitting dragon out of his element.

What Does It Want: To not babysit anymore.

Why: Baby dragons like to bite. A lot.

But They're So Cute: Well yeah, from a distance anyway.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Monster #: 67

What Is He: A nasty sailor-octopus-ruffian

What Does He Do: Hang around the docks, ruff up the tourists

Why's He So Mean: His parents didn't raise him right

That Doesn't Mean He Should Take It Out On Others: I know, it doesn't

Monday, September 26, 2011


Monster #: 806

What Is It: One baaaad kitty

Where's It From: Well, I think the name would give you a hint

Likes: Mice, sucking out babies' breath

Dislikes: Dogs, spray bottles

Friday, September 23, 2011

Monster Mirror

Monster #: 739

What Is It: A strange mirror full of tiny little monsters

Can They Escape: No. Well, probably not.

Are They Mean: They're more interested in making mischief.

I Don't Like The Sound of That: Yeah, it's not great.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Unknown #2

Monster #: 953

What Is It: A cohort of Unknown #1

What Does It Want: To scare people, maybe?

Why Is It Wearing a Gangster Outfit: I dunno, I think the weird green glow is a more pressing concern.

Am I Safe: Not Known at This Time

Monday, September 19, 2011

Unknown #1

Monster #: 952

What Is It: Not Known at This Time

What Does It Want: Not Known at This Time

Were Does It Hide: Just on the edge of your peripheral vision

I Wish You Hadn't Told Me About This Thing: Yeah, me too

Friday, September 16, 2011


Monster #: 903

Who Is He: The ruler of a dystopian planet.

What Is He: A nasty alien that may or may not be older than the Big Bang.

What's He the Most Proud Of: That rockin' chin. That thing's huge.

Hey, Isn't This Guy Just a Ripoff of Darkseid: Shh!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Zoglodians

Monster #: 813

What Are They: Tiny little creatures that live just beyond our own conception of reality

What Do They Do: Aimlessly move around as a part one giant teeming mass

Are They Dangerous: No. Well, not now anyway

What Do You Mean "Not Now?" Uh, hey look, another monster...

Monday, September 12, 2011


Monster #: 450

What Is It: Some sort of weird, bio-mechanical creature.

What Does It Do: Scuttle around hacking into your computer.

What Does It Want: It feeds on the Internet.

Excuse Me: The Internet is delicious apparently.

Friday, September 9, 2011


Monster #: 713

Who Is He: An ostrich with delusions of grandeur

How Can an Ostrich Wear a Suit: I don't know, why are you asking me?

Likes: Bowler hats, putting his head in a hole in the ground

Dislikes: Unsophisticated riff raff, holes that are too small

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


Monster #: 349

Who Is He: A Very Upper Class Monster

Taste In Suits: Only the Finest May Touch His Scales

Is That Bowler He's Wearing: Oh, Most Certainly Yes!

Is He Completely Unbearable To Be Around: Absolutely

Monday, September 5, 2011


Monster # 566

Who Is He: An elegant and refined monster

Really?: Yeah, he has a pipe and monocle.

Likes: Costume Balls, drinking tea, eating people

Dislikes: Rudeness, anti-intellectualism, people

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Monster #: 747

Who Is He: Some sort of reptile thing?

How Sharp Are His Teeth: Sharper than knives.

Yikes: Yeah, he's a "biter" too.

What's He Looking At: It's probably for the best we can't see it.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


Monster #: 706

Who Is He: A Mean Gator That Just Wants to Dance!

Why Does He Want To Dance: Because He's Just Got To!

Likes: Dancing!

Dislikes: That town from the movie "Footloose." They won't let kids dance!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


Monster #: 817

What Is He: A Hired Killer

Likes: Killing, Being Paid for Killing

Dislikes: Not Killing, Not Being Paid for Killing

What to Do if You See Him: Quickly make a bargain with a deity of your choice 'cuz you don't have much time left

Friday, August 12, 2011


Monster #: 16

What Is It: An Unknown Creature From a Distant Time

Where Did It Live: The Mountains of Europe

When Did It Live: Medieval Times

Has It Survived: Maybe...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Fewer Monsters (For a Little Bit)

Hey folks, posting's going to be a little light for the rest of August. Life's going to be pretty busy for a while, and I'm not going to be posting a new monster every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

But don't worry! There will be new monsters in August and many more in the future. So keep on the look out!


Monday, August 8, 2011

Declan and His Shadow

Monster #: 257

Who Is He: A Nasty Man With a Nastier Shadow

Oh Dear: Oh Dear is Right

What Does He Do: A Top Business Consultant Who Always Gets His Way

Last Seen: Negotiating at Congress. Oh No!

Friday, August 5, 2011


Monster #: 343

What Is It: An Octopus With a Bad Attitude

Why Does It Only Have Six Tentacles: That's Why It Has a Bad Attitude!

Likes: Fish, Squeezing

Dislikes: Whales, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea"