The Krountains

Monster #: 3,932

What Are They: Living mountains that reside on a distant planet.

Wait, Wait, Wait. LIVING MOUNTAINS: Yep. These mountains are really gigantic creatures with sentience and everything. Pretty cool.

What Do They Want: Same thing everything wants, to survive.

How Do They Survive: Well, let's just say you probably shouldn't try scaling these mountains.

Rrokjaaw

Monster #: 93,466

What Is It: An all-powerful alien king from a distant planet.

What Does It: He wants to seduce some human females.

So He's A Ladies Man: Oh my no, he's super awkward and gross.

Ha Ha: It is funny. Super important on his planet and can't even score a date here.

The Ahkturrian Worm

Monster #: 630,492

What Is It: A worm from the planet Ahkturria.

What Does It Want: To eat just about everything it sees.

How Big Is It: About as big as your house.

I Live In A Mansion: Yeah, he's a big son of a gun.

Well, At Least I Don't Leave on Ahkturria: Ahkturria is what they rename Earth in 20 years.

DAMNIT: Agreed. Ahkturria is a bad name.

Krong

Monster #: 89,235

What Is It: The cruel king of the planet Kremularg.

What Does It Want: To be mean to all his subjects.

Why: 'cuz he's a jerk.

But WHY Is He Such a Jerk: Because he can be. It's like life, man.

Whoah: Whoah.

The Gentleman

Monster #: 983,402

What Is It: He is the gentleman of the universe.

What Does That MEAN: He travels from planet to planet, gentleman-ing it up.

What Does THAT Mean: He acts as sort of an ambassador to the planet's dignataries.

And What Does THAT Mean: He decides whether a planet lives or dies. There, you happy?

No: WELL NEITHER AM I!!!

The Mordred

Monster #: 900,003

What Is It: A monster disguised as an alien landscape.

What Does It Want: To trap passing spaceships.

What, They Don't Notice The Tunnel Looks Like a Mouth: Look, you've seen "The Empire Strikes Back," right.

Yeah: Same deal.

Oh: Mmhmm.

Isn't That a Movie: Movies can be true too you know!

Rrarrgrronk

Monster #: 2,593

What Is It: A very big, very angry monster.

What Does It Want: To do whatever the hell it wants.

I Don’t Like This Dude: He probably doesn’t like you either.

Where Is He: He lives on another planet.

Wouldn’t That Make Him An Alien: Alien monster.

Oh: Yeah.

Krakdarr

Monster #: 459

What Is It: Some creepy, giant beast from a distant planet.

What Does It Want: Who knows? I certainly don't want to know!

How Can I Avoid: Stay away from the planet Krakdaan.

Oh, So We're Good: Nah, Krakdaan's on a collision course with Earth within the next five years. So get used to it!

The Slinger

Monster #: 467

What Is It: Some kind of outlaw-type that lives on a distant planet.

What Does It Want: To be left alone so it can do its thing.

What Is Its "Thing": Robbery, murder, arson, etc.

But It Shouldn't Be Left Alone To Do Those Things: Well, you and it are just going to have to agree to disagree.

Krej

Monster #: 625

What Is It: A monster that was such a jackass that he got kicked off his home planet.

What, Really: Absolutely, no foolin'.

What Did He Do: Man, he was incredibly passive-aggressive. He also constantly borrowed money and never paid you back.

Oh My God He Sounds Horrible: He was. He also kept talking about how great "Sucker Punch" was. It's not that great, Krej!