Friday, February 28, 2014


Monster #: 893,246

What Is It: Some cute little thing.

What Does It Want: Who cares?

Why Are You So Angry: He bores me.

How Do You Pronounce His Name: Who f**king knows?

Wednesday, February 26, 2014


Monster #: 924,443

What Is It: A really disgusting, weird thing.

What Does It Want: Who knows. He's creepy as hell though.

Yeah: It freaks me out just looking at him.

I Want To Look Away: Me too. BUT I CAN'T!!!

Monday, February 24, 2014


Monster #: 2,405

What Is It: I dunno. A monster.

What Do You Mean You Don't Know: Damnit, we don't know everything about every damn monster!

Why Not: Cuz we're busy!

I Don't Like Your Answers: Well I don't like you!

Friday, February 21, 2014


Monster #: 9,154

What Is It: A very, very goofy monster.

Hey, Wait a Minute: What?

How Come All the Monsters This Week Are Green: I don't know.

You've Been Paid Off By the Green Party, Haven't No: What, no, we haven't... We swear!

My God, You're Jill Stein, Aren't You: No! I, uh! Fine, you found me out!

But Why, Jill Stein: Power. You control one blog, you control them all. 

No...: First, this blog, then the world...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Monster #: 89,265

What Is It: A very hardworking monster.

What Does It Want: To get that report done by 5:00 tonight.

Why: Because it's very important!

I Think This Guy Works in My Dad's Office: He does.

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Yodeling Olf

Monster #: 234,246

What Is It: A big, green monster that yodels.

What Does It Want: To yodel, of course, ya big silly.

Why: He's Swiss. That's what Swiss folk do.

This Doesn't Seem Quite Right: Shut up.

Friday, February 14, 2014


Monster #: 98,235

What Is It: A very athletic, angry monster.

Why Is It Angry: He didn't like the way you looked at him.

But I Didn't Look At Him: He thinks you did.

Oh No! Is He Going to Attack Me: Yes.

NOOO!!! I Gotta Run: He's faster than you. Sorry, pal.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The Showman

Monster #: 1,056

What Is It: A showman monster.

What Does It Want: He wants to put on The Greatest Show On Earth.

What Is The Greatest Show On Earth: Its destruction.

Not Much of a Show: Well, not for us.

Monday, February 10, 2014

The Krarn

Monster #: 56,320

What Is It: Such a cute little monster!

What Does It Want: To be fierce and scary!

Is It: Of course not! He's Adorable!

It's Hard Being Cute: Yes indeed!

Friday, February 7, 2014

The Dragon's Head

Monster #: 87,205

What Is It: A... dragon's head.

What Does It Want: To find it's body.

How Is It Still Alive: Dragon's can survive decapitation.

What, Really: Yes, really.

How... Annoying: You're telling me, pal!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Flump

Monster #: 87,993

What Is It: A happy-go-lucky monster.

What Does It Want: To say "hi" to everyone he meets.

Why: 'Cuz he believes in being a good, kind person.

He's Not Gonna Last Long: Ha ha no.

Monday, February 3, 2014

The Ulg

Monster #: 6,349

What Is It: An inter-dimensional being.

What Does It Want: To just be left alone.

Why: He doesn't like company.

Why: Secretly he's very insecure.