Monday, October 31, 2011


Monster #: 701

What Is It: An unlucky-in-love monster that just wants to go out on a date.

Why: Even monsters want to feel love.

Aw, That's Kinda Sweet: Yeah, it kinda is.

I Still Wouldn't Date Him Though: Completely understandable.

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Ghost of the Web

Monster #: 312

What Is It: A ghost that travels throughout the internet.

What Does It Do: Pop out of devices linked to the internet just so it can scare the pants off you.

Wait, Isn't Everything Linked to the Internet These Days?: Yeah, pretty much.

Well...Shoot: It's not great news, that's for sure.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Bogens

Monster #: 857

What Are They: Disturbingly cheerful monsters that haunt your dreams.

My Dreams: Yes, your dreams. They're like Freddy Krueger, only scarier.

How Can I Avoid Them: Make sure you live a life of altruism and selflessness.

So, I Can't Avoid Them, Can I: Nope. Doesn't hurt to try though!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Big Bass

Monster #: 32

What Is It: A gigantic fish with gigantic teeth that roams the sea.

What Does It Want: To eat.

What Does It Want To Eat: Oh, it's not picky.

I Don't Like The Sound of That: Yeah, well, I can't blame ya.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Greckle

Monster #: 523

What Is It: A nasty little imp that likes annoying people.

Likes: Causing mischief, inflicting pain.

Dislikes: People who don't play with him, time outs.

Last Seen: Having fun at the Mall of America.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Facelings

Monster #: 613

What Are They: Weird, amoeba-like creatures.

Where Do They Live: Just below the surface of our own perceptions.

Are They Dangerous: They seem to be more interested in each other than us.

What If Happens If They Become Interested in Us: Why you always gotta be asking questions like that?

Monday, October 17, 2011


Monster #: 116

What is He: A tongue with a mind of its own.

What Does He Want: He just wants to entertain!

Where Did He Get That Tiny Top Hat: From a tiny hat store.

Wait, There's a Tiny Hat Store in This Guy's Mouth: No, that would be silly. In his throat.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Oyon the Wise

Monster #: 57

What is He: A Mystic that lives at the top of the Mountains.

Is He Actually a Mystic: His disciples certainly hope he is.

Who's the Other Guy: A follower looking for enlightenment.

Will Oyon Help Him Out: Probably not.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Jip and Kip

Monsters: 900 and 901

What Are They: Weird, weird little critters.

What Do They Do: They sorta bounce while they walk in no particular direction.

Are They Dangerous: When they stop smiling.

What Happens When They Stop Smiling: You don't want to know.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Willa the Wisp

Monster #: 635

What is She: A strange spirit from another realm.

What Does She Do: Dances an odd dance at the witching hour on All Hallows Eve.

Who Are Her Friends: Poltergeists who want to join in on the fun.

What To Do If You See Her: Too late. You're part of the fun now.

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Treltzs

Monster # 883

What Are They: Creepy, weird creatures of unknown origin.

What Do They Want: We don't know. We don't want to know.

Are They Related to Those "Gray" Aliens: Maybe. Go ask Whitley Streiber.

Why Don't You Ask Him: Look, I'm busy, OK?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Monster #349

What Is It: A nasty little crustacean that digs into your ear with its weird tentacle/claws.

Why Would It Do That: Because it's a jerk? Not much is known beyond that...

What Happens After It Attacks My Ear: You're going to have one hell of a headache.

How Can I Stop It: Ear plugs. We think.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Doktor and Ivor

Monster #551

Who Are They: A mad scientist and his evil creation

What is the Creation: We don't know. Something big.

He's Rather Nasty Looking: The scientist or the creature?

Last Seen: At the Doktor's castle, somewhere in Eastern Europe.