Friday, February 27, 2015

The Krivener

Monster #: 94,465

What Is It: A powerful, dangerous monster.

What Does It Want: To execute whatever its master wishes.

Is Its Master A Good Person: Haha no.

Ah, Shit: Yep, that's the response the Krivener evokes.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Dr. Rodgers

Monster #: 94,393

What Is It: A professional doctor monster.

What Does It Want: To give you the best medical advice he can possibly give.

Why Isn't He Wearing a Lab Coat: He wants you to check out his sweet abs.

He Doesn't Give, Like, Physicals, Right: He'll give you a prostate exam you'll never forget.

Friday, February 20, 2015


Monster #: 93,466

What Is It: An all-powerful alien king from a distant planet.

What Does It: He wants to seduce some human females.

So He's A Ladies Man: Oh my no, he's super awkward and gross.

Ha Ha: It is funny. Super important on his planet and can't even score a date here.

Monday, February 16, 2015

The Skaraab

Monster #: 9,592

What Is It: An ancient artifact of untold power.

What Does It Do: It gives you untold power. We don't know much more than that.

Where Is It: Well, that monster is giving it to that monster.

So, We're Doomed Already Then: You bet.

Friday, February 13, 2015

The Skulllch

Monster #: 98,589

What Is It: A tiny creature that lives in your joints.

What Does It Want: To play around and make you feel miserable.

Like Her: Oh yes, that's a skulllch having a lot of fun.

Can You Ever Get Rid of Them: No.

Monday, February 9, 2015

The Gazer

Monster #: 4,584

What Is It: A creature from beyond our dimension.

What Does It Want: To watch us.

Why: We cannot possibly fathom why.

Is It Cuz He's A Jerk: Possibly.

Friday, February 6, 2015


Monster #: 9,598

What Is It: A King of the Sea.

What Does It Want: To rule its corner of the ocean the best way it knows how.

Where's Its Crown: Underwater his crown would just float away.

See, I Didn't Think Of That: You should always think before you say something.

Monday, February 2, 2015


Monster #: 5,094

What Is It: A demon straight from the depths of Hell.

What Does It Want: To cause torment and stuff like that.

Wait, So Hell Is Real: Did I say Hell, I meant Heck.

What's the Difference: One you can say on children's television.

Oh: Yep.