Monday, September 30, 2013

The Happisum

Monster #: 87,004

What Is It: A very happy monster.

What Does It Want: To be happy.

That's It: Yep.

Seems Kinda Lacking: Well, are you happy?

...No: There you go.

Friday, September 27, 2013

The Vizzioneer

Monster #: 983,200

What Is It: Unknown at this time.

What Does It Want: Unknown at this time.

Well, What DO You Know: He appears to have a message that he wants us to hear.

What Is His Message: We don't speak his language. Whoops!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013


Monster #: 90,529

What Is It: Pac-Man's lesser known brother.

What Does He Want: To be just as good as Pac-Man!

Can He Be As Good as Pac-Man: No, of course not.

Why Not: He's actually super racist.

Oh My: Yeah, it's really terrible.

Monday, September 23, 2013


Monster #: 3,682

What Is It: Some sort of smiling monster.

What Does It Want: Hell if I know. We don't know everything about these things damnit!

Jeez, Sorry: Yeah, well, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped.

This One Little Monster Has Caused Us To Get Mad At Each Other: It truly is the most evil monster there is.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Zep and Gunk

Monster #: 978,001 and 978,002

What Are They: Two weird little things.

What Do They Want: We don't know.

They Both Look Pretty Nervous: Yeah, they don't look too happy.

I Better If You Weren't So Lazy You Could Find Out: Yeah I bet-HEY!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Slemmy

Monster #: 2,956

What Is It: A friendly monster that lives on your head.

What Does It Want: It wants to help you!

What Kind of Help: Homework, relationship troubles, car problems, all that stuff.

Wow, Really: Oh yes.

Man, I Need to Get a Slemmy: They've very rare so keep an eye out!

Monday, September 16, 2013

The Littlest Billings

Monster #: 898,396

What Is It: The littlest Billings.

So...: So, everybody makes fun of him for being so little.

That's Not Fair: Of course it's not fair!

Can He Do Anything About It: No. His life is doomed to eternal mockery.

This is Powerfully Depressing: Hey, maybe one day a Billings will be born littler than him!

Friday, September 13, 2013

The Gentleman

Monster #: 983,402

What Is It: He is the gentleman of the universe.

What Does That MEAN: He travels from planet to planet, gentleman-ing it up.

What Does THAT Mean: He acts as sort of an ambassador to the planet's dignataries.

And What Does THAT Mean: He decides whether a planet lives or dies. There, you happy?


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Trellump

Monster #: 56,712

What Is It: Some sort of wandering creature.

What Does It Want: Beats us. It seems to like to travel in packs.

He's Kinda Got a Smug Expression: Yeah, he does.

I Don't Care For That: Me either.

Monday, September 9, 2013

The Loch Ness Monster

Monster #: 12

What Is It: Uh, the Loch Ness Monster.

THE Loch Ness Monster: Yes indeedy, Nessie herself.

Wow, That's So Cool: It sure is!

So, Is There Any New Information On Her: Yes, she's actually Irish.

Oh Wow: Yeah.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Walter Rumson

Monster #: 6,799

What Is It: A poor man blessed with terrible powers.

Like What: He can see infinite potentiality.

That Doesn't Sound So Bad: He has no choice in the matter.

Oh: Yeah, he sees everything at every moment all the time.

Yikes: He's one of the sadder cases in our files.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Stanton's Ghost

Monster #: 6,003

What Is It: The ghost of the fearsome western gangster, Henry Stanton.

What Does It Want: To haunt the men who gunned him down.

Wait, Who Gunned Him Down: The sheriff and his law enforcement.

How's That Fair: What do you mean?

Why Should An Evil Crook Get the Chance to Haunt the Good People Who Stopped Him: Uh.... life's not fair?

That's Not a Very Good Answer: Look, we're trying!

Monday, September 2, 2013


Monster #: 78,367

What Is It: A very clever, conniving monster.

What Does It Want: It looks like it wants to trick that poor kid.

What's He Smiling About: Man, you don't want to know.

I Don't Like This Guy At All: Join the club!