Friday, April 27, 2012
Monster #: 405
What Is It: A very sophisticated monster.
What Does It Do: Make droll observations and write essays for The New Yorker.
What Does It Want: To write The Great American Novel.
Really: Yep. And also eat people. He likes to eat people.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Monster #: 213
What Is It: A beatnik monster that's about to lay down some mind-blowing poetry.
What Does He Want: To open up the minds of squares everywhere.
Likes: Allen Ginsberg, snapping
Dislikes: Dwight Eisenhower, clapping (only sheeple clap)
Monday, April 23, 2012
Monster #: 552
What Is It: A gigantic alligator.
What Does It Want: Who knows. He seems interested in you though.
Is That A Bad Thing: He's a gigantic alligator, you tell me.
I Remember When This Information Was Helpful: We can't help everybody, man.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Monster #: 312
What Is It: Some sort of apparition that lives between our world and the next.
What Does It Want: Who knows.
How Can I Avoid It: Beats me.
You're No Help!: Stop yelling at me!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
What Is It: A monster that lives on your back.
What Does It Do: Constantly point out your flaws and make you hate yourself.
How Can I Stop It: Ignore it.
But It's So Mean: I know.
Does Everyone Have a Monster On Their Back: Yep. Everyone.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Monster #: 612
What Is It: A very shy monster that likes to hide itself.
Why Does It Like To Hide: He's just a big baby, that's why.
Wow, That's A Little Mean: Yeah, yeah I know. I'm just going through some stuff right now.
Oh, I'm Sorry: It's not your fault. I shouldn't take it out on Trello.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Monster #: 677
What Is It: A reptilian monster with a really long neck.
What Does It Want: To be able to touch his head.
That's Pretty Sad: Yeah, Ken's got a tough life.
He Looks Kinda Funny Though: Well yeah, but we try to hold the laughter in.
We Don't Want To Hurt His Feelings: Definitely not.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Monster #: 89
What Is It: A monster that likes to perch on your head.
What Does It Want: To annoy.
Why Does It Want To Annoy: Because it's a jerk.
I Don't Like This Monster: Neither do I, and I speak from personal experience.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Monster #: 212
What Is It: A monster that just loves calling you on your cell phone.
Why: He just wants to talk.
What Does He Want To Talk About: About how his day went, his thoughts on politics, what's on TV, etc.
Oh God, That Sounds Unbearable: Yes indeedy.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Monster #: 500
What Is It: A gangster monster that lives in the shadows.
What Does It Want: To make people pay up on old debts.
What Kind of Debts: Important debts.
How Can I Avoid Him: Be careful who you make deals with.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Monster #: 789
What Is She: Some sort of unearthly being. A ghost? An apparition?
What Does She Want: We don't know.
Does She Have Parents: Maybe. We haven't met them yet anyway.
Is She As Sweet As She Lets On: Maybe...
Monday, April 2, 2012
Monster #: 353
What Is It: A 30-foot monster that roams the streets at night.
Yawn: Huh? Why are you yawning?
I Just Feel Like I've Soon Too Many Giant Monsters: Well, it's not our fault there are lots of giant monsters!
I Know, I Just Want More Variety: There's been plenty of variety!
Dude, Don't Be Angry: I'm not angry, you loser.
I'm Not a Loser, You're A Loser: No, you are!
You Are: You are!