Friday, September 28, 2012
What Is It: Some creepy, giant beast from a distant planet.
What Does It Want: Who knows? I certainly don't want to know!
How Can I Avoid: Stay away from the planet Krakdaan.
Oh, So We're Good: Nah, Krakdaan's on a collision course with Earth within the next five years. So get used to it!
Monday, September 24, 2012
What Is It: The face that haunts you wherever you may go.
What Does It Want: We don't know.
Why Is It Smiling: We don't want to know.
How Can I Avoid It: We wish we knew.
Friday, September 21, 2012
What Is It: A fat, repulsive, ugly rich monster.
What Does It Want: Tax cuts baby!
Why: Fat, repulsive, ugly rich monsters deserve them, that's why!
How Can I Avoid It: You can't! They're everywhere!
Monday, September 17, 2012
What Are They: Creepy, weird tentacles from another dimension.
What Do They Want: Who knows. They don't have brains.
What Happens If I See One: They'll probably try to suck your face off.
How Can I Avoid Them: Stay away from sea food restaurants. (Except Ivar's. They're all right.)
Friday, September 14, 2012
What Is It: A cheerful and ever-smiling bear.
What Does It Want: To wave "hi" to everyone it meets and just be a happy dude.
Wow, He Sounds Pretty Cool: Yeah, The Happy Bear is pretty cool.
How Can I Meet The Happy Bear: But don't you see, The Happy Bear was inside you all along.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
What Is It: A cruel spirit that watches our every move.
What Does It Want: To judge us.
Why: Because it enjoys judging lesser beings.
Hey, I'm Not a Lesser Being: Yeah, try telling him that. He's a real dick about it.
Monday, September 10, 2012
What Is It: A monster with a very, very, very long neck.
What Does It Want: To see whatever is off-screen to the left.
Why Is His Neck So Long: Bad genes.
How Does He Keep It Up: Good neck muscles, maybe?
Friday, September 7, 2012
What Is It: A creepy Tiki statue.
What Does It Want: To cause bad luck.
Is It the Tiki Idol From That "Brady Bunch" Episode: No.
Oh: Tiki Toki is that idol's brother.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
What Is It: Some kind of outlaw-type that lives on a distant planet.
What Does It Want: To be left alone so it can do its thing.
What Is Its "Thing": Robbery, murder, arson, etc.
But It Shouldn't Be Left Alone To Do Those Things: Well, you and it are just going to have to agree to disagree.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Monster #: 67
What Is It: He's just a little baby monster.
What Does He Want: To grow up and be a big ol' monster!
He's Got a Big Head: He sure does!
Is that Healthy: Probably not. But it makes him look so cute!