Friday, March 30, 2012

A Stranger

Monster #: 902

What Is It: A strange being that hangs outside your window.

What Does It Want: To look at you.

That's Creepy: Yep.

What the Hell's Going On In That House: Modern art. That's a discussion for a different blog.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012


Monster #: 233

What Is It: A strange creature that lives on a different plane of reality.

Is It Dangerous: Not as long as it stays on its plane of reality.

What It Happens If It Leaves: You don't want that to happen.

Why Don't I Want That: You really want to ask that question?

Monday, March 26, 2012


Monster #: 223

What Is It: A big-ass monster that lives in the ocean.

What Does He Want: To eat? You know, stuff like that.

Who's The Other Guy: That's his sidekick.

What's The Sidekick's Name: I dunno. That's for another case file I guess.

Friday, March 23, 2012


Monster #: 612

What Is It: A very shy monster that likes to hide himself.

Why Does He Like To Hide: The world's a scary place.

Is It Possible To Find Him: No, he's very clever.

But I Can See Him In the Above Photo: Oh, uh, you're right, I guess...

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Unknown #5

Monster #: 956

What Is It: Not Known At This Time

What Does It Want: Not Known At This Time

Where Does This Photo Take Place: No idea. We just received this photo one day in the mail.

Well That's Pretty Creepy: Yeah, there were a couple of other odd photos too...

Monday, March 19, 2012


Monster #: 23

What Is It: A completely unhinged monster.

What Does It Want: Everything at all times.

Huh: Lortnoc's brain has no attention span is ruled only by lusts and desires.

Oh, So He's Like a Rock Star: Exactly like a rock star.

Friday, March 16, 2012


Monster #: 57

What Is It: A strange tall creature that preys on the small and meek.

What Does It Want: Unknown at this time.

How Can I Avoid It: Don't fall asleep.

Where Can I Find Out More Information on this Monster: Consult the "Phantasm" documentary series.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Monster #: 625

What Is It: A monster that was such a jackass that he got kicked off his home planet.

What, Really: Absolutely, no foolin'.

What Did He Do: Man, he was incredibly passive-aggressive. He also constantly borrowed money and never paid you back.

Oh My God He Sounds Horrible: He was. He also kept talking about how great "Sucker Punch" was. It's not that great, Krej!

Monday, March 12, 2012

The Debt Collector

Monster #: 89

What Is It: When you make a deal with the devil, this guy is the one who comes to collect.

What Does He Want: He wants you to pay up.

What Happens If You Can't Pay Up: Oh, you'll pay up.

I Don't Want to Meet This Guy: We all have to meet him sometime.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Eldrok the Elder

Monster #: 972

What Is It: A high-ranking chief from a monster royal society.

Why's He So Nervous: He's not very good at his job.

Why: He doesn't like to make decisions.

Boy Did He Pick a Poor Line of Work: Eh, whatcha gonna do?

Monday, March 5, 2012


Monster #: 59

What Is It: A businessman monster.

What Does It Want: He just wants to make a deal.

What Kind of Deal: One that benefits him but not you.

How Can I Avoid Him: You can't, there's one in every corporate office.

Friday, March 2, 2012


Monster #: 823

What Is It: A very rich and very sophisticated monster.

What Does He Want: Stiffupperlip wants people to appreciate just how rich and sophisticated he is.

Wow, He Sounds Insufferable: Yes, he is.

How Can I Avoid Him: Try not to talk about money. He loves giving financial advice.