Monday, March 30, 2015

The Witch of Distant Valley

Monster #: 245,035

What Is It: A cruel witch who lives just beyond our world.

What Does She Want: To be left alone so she can terrorize the inhabitants of the Distant Valley.

Why: Well, it's either terrorize or be nice and terrorizing is probably more fun.

Her Morals Are Pretty Shaky Then: Super shaky.

Friday, March 27, 2015


Monster #: 2493

What Is It: A mysterious monster with a very large mouth.

What Does It Want: We don't know. He seems friendly... ish?

Its Smile Seems Insincere: Yeah, there's something about it that seems fake.

I Don't Think I'd Like To Meet It: Well too bad, cuz it's right outside your door!

AAAAHHHNo It's Not: Gotcha!

Monday, March 23, 2015


Monster #: 9,585

What Is It: Avvvia is the ruler of a distant society.

What Does She Want: To extend her the reach of her power.

Why: Well hell, why not?

Is She a Good and Just Ruler: Hahahahaha of course not.

One of Theses Days There'll Be a Nice Dictator: Yeah, sure.

Friday, March 20, 2015

The Dimensional Bird

Monster #: 39,850

What Is It: A weird bird that can travel between dimensions.

What Does It Want: We know as much as you do, which is to say, we don't know.

How Can I Avoid It: Well, it only comes out whenever you don't want it.

What If I WANT It To Come Out Then: Then it comes out as well. Sorry bud.

Monday, March 16, 2015


 Monster #: 3,049

What Is It: A real tough-guy monster.

What Does It Want: Beat up anybody it wants.

Why: Because he's desperate to prove his masculinity.

Hell, Me Too: Same.

Friday, March 13, 2015

The Gelch

Monster #: 6,054

What Is It: A long-limbed, creepy as hell monster.

What Does It Want: Who knows. We don't want to know, actually.

Where Is It: The Gelch comes out when it's dark.

Yeesh, I Don't Want To Go Out Anymore: I said it comes out when it's dark. That includes stuff like your closet and under your bed.

...Son of a...: Yeah, we know the feeling.

Monday, March 9, 2015

The Krountains

Monster #: 3,932

What Are They: Living mountains that reside on a distant planet.

Wait, Wait, Wait. LIVING MOUNTAINS: Yep. These mountains are really gigantic creatures with sentience and everything. Pretty cool.

What Do They Want: Same thing everything wants, to survive.

How Do They Survive: Well, let's just say you probably shouldn't try scaling these mountains.

Friday, March 6, 2015


Monster #: 2,189,450

What Is It: A truly gigantic monster.

What Does It Want: Bombson just wants to make friends.

Really: Yeah, see that weird, bird-thing? He's trying to befriend it.

That's Nice: It is.

Is There Any Horrible Twist To Any of This: Nope. He's just a monster that wants friends.

Aww: Aww.

Monday, March 2, 2015


 Monster #: 8,430

What Is It: A mysterious phantom that appears sometimes at night.

What Does She Want: She just wants to spend time with the living, like the normal human being she used to be.

Can She Really: No, come sunrise she disappears and can never visit the place she was in ever again.

Damn Dude, You're Really Bumming Me Out: I know. Sorry.