Friday, November 22, 2013


Monster #: 836,253

What Is It: A very vicious, very mean monster.

What Does It Want: To attack innocent creatures.

Why: He enjoys being on top of the food chain.

I Thought People Were On Top of the Food Chain: Thought wrong, buddy.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Gen. Harry Hausen

Monster #: 1,920

What Is It: The general of an army of skeleton warriors.

What Does It Want: To ravage and pillage the land as much as possible.

Why: 'Cuz its master wants it to do that. Come on.

What Is It A Skeleton Of: That's a whole 'nother monster, my friend.

Monday, November 18, 2013


Monster #: 8,346

What Is It: Some sort of bio-mechanical monstrosity.

What Does It Want: To constantly proclaim his brilliance.

Is He Brilliant: Ha ha, no.

Really: Yeah, he's an idiot who thinks he's a genius.

So He's Incredibly Dangerous: Oh yes.

Friday, November 15, 2013

The Dolasaur

Monster #: 914,004

What Is It: A very content dinosaur.

What Does It Want: To live a life free of troubles.

Wait, Is Thing Still Alive: Yes.

It Survived The Meteor: Yes.

Where The Hell Is It: It lives in Staten Island. People just haven't noticed it yet.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Smiling Face

Monster #: 2,045

What Is It: A smiling face.

Why Is It Smiling: Because it knows something you don't.

Is The Face... Evil: Probably.

Yeah, THAT'S Reassuring: Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

Monday, November 11, 2013

The Sneek

Monster #: 62,562

What Is It: Some sort of angry, bird-like thing.

Why Is It Angry: It's a monster. It'd be more surprising if it wasn't angry.

That's Too Bad: I know.

I Want Everything to Be Happy: A noble dream.

Friday, November 8, 2013

The Moony Bird

Monster #: 87,205

What Is It: A big, goofy bird.

What Does It Want: Who knows. To survive I imagine.

How Is It "Goofy": I don't know. He kinda moves around all goofy-like. You know, he just looks goofy.

So You Don't Know: You've got a real attitude, mister.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The Blooog

Monster #: 984,035

What Is It: Some sort of many-tentacled sea creature.

What Does It Want: To eat fish and other sea stuff I think.

So Its Mouth Is At the Top of Its Head: Yeah, looks like it.

Wow, That's Pretty Weird: That's what's thrown you off? After all the monsters you've seen? Jeez, pal.

Monday, November 4, 2013

The Dregnargg

Monster #: 9,239

What Is It: A very nasty, vicious monster.

What Does It Want: It wants whatever wants and doesn't care how it gets it.

What Is It Doing: It appears to be staring at something.

That's Not Good: Not for what it's staring at, that's for sure!

Friday, November 1, 2013


Monster #: 4,614

What Is It: A very sad, very droopy monster.

What Does It Want: He doesn't know. That's why he's so sad.

Maybe He Should Start Working Out: That's a good idea.

I Always Feel Better After I Start Working Out: Me too.

Let's Be Workout Buddies: I want to workout buddies with you.