Friday, April 10, 2015


Monster #: 18,478

What Is It: A monster that exists just beyond the veil of our comprehension.

What Does It Want: We don't know. Hopefully it wants to leave us alone.

Is It Looking At Me: Hey, it's looking at ME too.

Hold Me, I'm Scared: I will.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Eeya the Fair

Monster #: 21,390

What Is It: She is a fairy, like the kind that doesn't exist much anymore.

What Does She Want: To survive.

What's Wrong: There are lots of big, nasty things out there that like to eat fairies.

That's Sad: Even magical creatures have problems.

Friday, April 3, 2015

The Giant Octopus

Monster #: 98,349

What Is It: As the name would imply, it is a giant octopus.

What Does It Want: To eat people.

Hey, Wait A Minute, Octopi Don't Have Teeth: Well, this one does, what are you gonna do about, huh?

Well, Obviously, Then This Thing Can't Exist: Oh yeah. You see that photo, you think we Photoshopped this thing?

...Yes? I Mean, It's Not A Photo And It Obviously Used Photoshop Brushes: ...

You Still There: You get out of here right NOW!

Monday, March 30, 2015

The Witch of Distant Valley

Monster #: 245,035

What Is It: A cruel witch who lives just beyond our world.

What Does She Want: To be left alone so she can terrorize the inhabitants of the Distant Valley.

Why: Well, it's either terrorize or be nice and terrorizing is probably more fun.

Her Morals Are Pretty Shaky Then: Super shaky.

Friday, March 27, 2015


Monster #: 2493

What Is It: A mysterious monster with a very large mouth.

What Does It Want: We don't know. He seems friendly... ish?

Its Smile Seems Insincere: Yeah, there's something about it that seems fake.

I Don't Think I'd Like To Meet It: Well too bad, cuz it's right outside your door!

AAAAHHHNo It's Not: Gotcha!

Monday, March 23, 2015


Monster #: 9,585

What Is It: Avvvia is the ruler of a distant society.

What Does She Want: To extend her the reach of her power.

Why: Well hell, why not?

Is She a Good and Just Ruler: Hahahahaha of course not.

One of Theses Days There'll Be a Nice Dictator: Yeah, sure.

Friday, March 20, 2015

The Dimensional Bird

Monster #: 39,850

What Is It: A weird bird that can travel between dimensions.

What Does It Want: We know as much as you do, which is to say, we don't know.

How Can I Avoid It: Well, it only comes out whenever you don't want it.

What If I WANT It To Come Out Then: Then it comes out as well. Sorry bud.

Monday, March 16, 2015


 Monster #: 3,049

What Is It: A real tough-guy monster.

What Does It Want: Beat up anybody it wants.

Why: Because he's desperate to prove his masculinity.

Hell, Me Too: Same.

Friday, March 13, 2015

The Gelch

Monster #: 6,054

What Is It: A long-limbed, creepy as hell monster.

What Does It Want: Who knows. We don't want to know, actually.

Where Is It: The Gelch comes out when it's dark.

Yeesh, I Don't Want To Go Out Anymore: I said it comes out when it's dark. That includes stuff like your closet and under your bed.

...Son of a...: Yeah, we know the feeling.

Monday, March 9, 2015

The Krountains

Monster #: 3,932

What Are They: Living mountains that reside on a distant planet.

Wait, Wait, Wait. LIVING MOUNTAINS: Yep. These mountains are really gigantic creatures with sentience and everything. Pretty cool.

What Do They Want: Same thing everything wants, to survive.

How Do They Survive: Well, let's just say you probably shouldn't try scaling these mountains.

Friday, March 6, 2015


Monster #: 2,189,450

What Is It: A truly gigantic monster.

What Does It Want: Bombson just wants to make friends.

Really: Yeah, see that weird, bird-thing? He's trying to befriend it.

That's Nice: It is.

Is There Any Horrible Twist To Any of This: Nope. He's just a monster that wants friends.

Aww: Aww.

Monday, March 2, 2015


 Monster #: 8,430

What Is It: A mysterious phantom that appears sometimes at night.

What Does She Want: She just wants to spend time with the living, like the normal human being she used to be.

Can She Really: No, come sunrise she disappears and can never visit the place she was in ever again.

Damn Dude, You're Really Bumming Me Out: I know. Sorry.

Friday, February 27, 2015

The Krivener

Monster #: 94,465

What Is It: A powerful, dangerous monster.

What Does It Want: To execute whatever its master wishes.

Is Its Master A Good Person: Haha no.

Ah, Shit: Yep, that's the response the Krivener evokes.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Dr. Rodgers

Monster #: 94,393

What Is It: A professional doctor monster.

What Does It Want: To give you the best medical advice he can possibly give.

Why Isn't He Wearing a Lab Coat: He wants you to check out his sweet abs.

He Doesn't Give, Like, Physicals, Right: He'll give you a prostate exam you'll never forget.

Friday, February 20, 2015


Monster #: 93,466

What Is It: An all-powerful alien king from a distant planet.

What Does It: He wants to seduce some human females.

So He's A Ladies Man: Oh my no, he's super awkward and gross.

Ha Ha: It is funny. Super important on his planet and can't even score a date here.

Monday, February 16, 2015

The Skaraab

Monster #: 9,592

What Is It: An ancient artifact of untold power.

What Does It Do: It gives you untold power. We don't know much more than that.

Where Is It: Well, that monster is giving it to that monster.

So, We're Doomed Already Then: You bet.

Friday, February 13, 2015

The Skulllch

Monster #: 98,589

What Is It: A tiny creature that lives in your joints.

What Does It Want: To play around and make you feel miserable.

Like Her: Oh yes, that's a skulllch having a lot of fun.

Can You Ever Get Rid of Them: No.

Monday, February 9, 2015

The Gazer

Monster #: 4,584

What Is It: A creature from beyond our dimension.

What Does It Want: To watch us.

Why: We cannot possibly fathom why.

Is It Cuz He's A Jerk: Possibly.

Friday, February 6, 2015


Monster #: 9,598

What Is It: A King of the Sea.

What Does It Want: To rule its corner of the ocean the best way it knows how.

Where's Its Crown: Underwater his crown would just float away.

See, I Didn't Think Of That: You should always think before you say something.

Monday, February 2, 2015


Monster #: 5,094

What Is It: A demon straight from the depths of Hell.

What Does It Want: To cause torment and stuff like that.

Wait, So Hell Is Real: Did I say Hell, I meant Heck.

What's the Difference: One you can say on children's television.

Oh: Yep.

Friday, January 30, 2015

The Yoops

Monster #: 2,104

What Are They: Tiny little mini-ghosts.

What Do They Want: To just kinda float around and stuff.

Who's The Guy: That's an FBI agent, Agent Sculder.

Is There Something Wrong With His Eye: Yes.

What: That's classified, son.

Monday, January 26, 2015

The Two-Headed Dalrup

Monster #: 938,421

What Is It: A dalrup with two heads. Jeez, keep up.

What Does It Want: To roam free in the wild.

Where Is It: Stuck on a dalrup farm.

Do People Eat Dalrups: Oh, yes. You ever eat potato chips?

Yeah: You're eating dalrup.

More Monsters On The Way

Hey folks. Been awhile, huh? Well, life got busy and when life gets busy, some things fall by the wayside. And alas, this blog was one of them.

But I'm back. The world needs more monsters now more than ever. For now I'll be uploading two monsters a week, Mondays and Fridays. Hopefully this will make the workload more manageable and I can keep my sanity.

So let's get going and have some fun!

Your friend,