Friday, April 15, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
Monster #: 309,580
What Is It: A really hairy monster. Like, really, really hair.
How Hairy: Hairier than yo momma.
Hey Many, Leave My Mother Out of This, It's Going to Hurt Her Feelings: Oh gee, I'm sorry, I didn't realize.
Words Can Be Hurtful: You're right, I'm so sorry.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Monster #: 1,013
What Is It: Uh, some kind of... thing?
What Does It Want: Man, who knows? Something’s going on with his face, I don’t like it.
Does He Workout: You see those abs, I bet he does.
Maybe He Can Become a Fitness Guru: I think maybe you’re a little too optimistic there, bud.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Monster #: 405,988
What Is It: A very excitable lizard-type monster.
What Does It Want: To run around, have fun, that kind of thing.
Is He Friendly: Yes, very.
Will He Be My Friend: NO!
Why: He’s MY friend!
Monday, March 14, 2016
Monster #: 543,983
What Is It: I don't know, some sort of smug jackass.
What Does It Want: To make you feel bad about stuff, I think.
Oh No, I Like Stuff: I know, me too.
Can We Be Friends: (sniff)... I never thought you'd ask!
Monster #: 23,065
What Is It: A big, friendly monster.
What Does It Want: To give you a hug.
Uh, How Strong Is He: Unbelievably strong.
Could A Hug From Him Kill Me: Yes.
Can I Say No To a Hug: Yes, but you'd make him feel sad.
Uh...: Come on dude, take one for the team.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Monster #: 39,493
What Is It: A mysterious and ethereal monster.
What Does It Want: We don't know. Whatever she wants with that bug, it can't be good.
Maybe She'll Give It A Bath: Maybe she'll eat it.
You Always Go Dark: What can I say, I'm twisted person. Let me put on my Nickelback album just to show you how twisted I am.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Monster #: 10,634
What Is It: A badass and edgy monster.
What Does He Want: He wants to NOT play by your rules, man.
He Doesn't Like My Rules: No way man, he thinks your rules are totally uncool.
(Sniff)... I Try My Best: Your best ain't good enough, old man!
Friday, March 4, 2016
Monster #: 20,563
What Is It: A badass alien outlaw.
What Does It Want: She wants to commit crimes and get away with it!
Oh Wow, That's Messed Up: I know!
Does She Realize It's Wrong to Commit Crimes: She does, but she does it anyway!
Oh My God: I know!
Monday, February 29, 2016
What Is It: A big, muscly monster.
What Does It Want: To work out and lift weights and stuff.
What About His Legs: Oh, he doesn't do any leg exercises. So they're not looking so good.
How Come Nobody Ever Focus On the Legs: 'Cause they all have huge egos.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Monster #: 2,004
What Is It: A cool, down to Earth monster.
What Does It Want: She wants to hang out, get good grades and attend a nice public university.
Do They Let Monsters Into Colleges: Not in America.
Where: Denmark, I think. They're pretty chill over there.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Monster #: 6,503
What Is It: Just a nasty, mean ol' monster.
What Does It Want: To rip everything else into shreds.
What About Shreds, Does It Rip Shreds Into Shreds: Shut up.
Wow, Rude: Don't do this shit, man.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Monster #: 82,589
What Is It: A childlike spirit.
What Does It Want: To cause mischief and mayhem.
Why: Because she thinks it's funny.
That's Rude: In fairness, it's funny if it doesn't happen to you.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Monster #: 100,098
What Is It: A monster that's stuck in a perpetual state of annoyance.
What Does It Want: He wants to finally find contentment.
Will He Ever: No.
He's Like Me Then: He's like all of us.
Friday, February 5, 2016
Monster #: 653,098
What Is It: Just your average single gal/monster.
What Does She Want: You ever see "Mary Tyler Moore?" Pretty much that.
She Wants to Make It After All: You bet.
She's An Inspiring Monster, Isn't She: You know it.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Monster #: 3,923
What Is It: A weird, slightly demonic creature.
What Does It Want: She has a mean expression, so I'm guessing whatever it is, it isn't good for us.
What's The Third Eye For: Looking into your soul.
Mine Specifically, Or Everyone's: Everyone's. Sorry about the wording there, it got a little confusing.
Grammar Is Important: Yes, it is.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Monster #: 23,945
What Is It: Just kind of a normal dude.
What Does He Want: Normal dude things.
What Are "Normal Dude Things:" You know... things that are normal... for dudes.
You Don't Know Anything About This Guy, Do You: ...(sniff) This job is hard, man.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Monster #: 3.289
What Is It: A cute little creature with grass for hair.
What Does It Want: To spread joy and cheer and all that stuff.
Wait, Really Grass For Hair: Yes indeed.
Does She Use A Lawnmower to Cut Her Hair: Yes, yes you understand the bit.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Monster #: 5,983
What Is It: A gigantic inter-dimensional abomination.
What Does It Want: To rip through the very Space-Time Continuum.
Why: Everybody needs a hobby.
I Like Collecting Baseball Cards: That's not useful information, buddy.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Monster #: 29,843
What Are They: A duo of monsters.
What Do They Want: Ogilvie (the orange one) wants to to be friends with Staker (the yellow one).
What Does Staker Want: Uh... something different than what Ogilvie wants, that's for sure.
Theses Guys Aren't the New Bert and Ernie, Are They: Oh no.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Monster #: 23,994
What Is It: A mysterious and beautiful creature.
What Does She Want: Who knows. She doesn't look happy though.
What Could Be Making Her So Unhappy: I don't know, "Making A Murdere?"
Yeah, That Show Made Me Sad Too: I feel the same.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Monster #: 58,384
What Is It: A cute little monster full of electricity.
What Does She Want: She just wants to dance!
Is There A Problem: Yeah, she's so full of electricity she shocks all the other dancers. And the crew people. And the audience.
Yikes: Yeah, it's a real bummer.
Monday, January 18, 2016
Monster #: 6,783
What Is It: A gigantic, lava-filled monster.
What Does It Want: To get rid of its terrible heartburn.
What's Causing the Heartburn: Are you really asking this?
Oh, Right, the Lava: Glad you caught up. Dumbass.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Monster #: 46,828
What Is It: Just a cute little monster.
What Does She Want: Being cute I guess.
There's More To Life Than Being Cute: That sounds like something a person who isn't cute would say.
Yeah...: That's what I thought.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Monster #: 2,404
What Is It: A businessman/ghost.
What Does It Want: To make money, I guess.
Who's the Woman: His partner maybe?
Think She'll Go Out On a Date With Me: Uh... I don't know? Why are you asking this.
Nevermind, Don't Worry About It: This isn't a dating service, OK? This is serious stuff.
Monday, January 11, 2016
What Is It: A tremendously annoying monster.
What Does It Want: To spend all of its time with you.
Why: He doesn't have any friends.
Is It Because He Tries To Spend All of His Time With Them: That's a bingo.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Monster #: 839,859
What Is It: A little scamp.
What Does It Want: To scavenge for food and avoid capture.
What Does It Like to Eat: Duck a l'Orange.
This Thing Has Pretty Refined Tastes: Yeah, he's a little snobbish.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Monster #: 959,398
What Is It: A robot from the distant future.
What Does It Want: To escape from it's programming and live it's own (cyber) life.
Where Is It: The year 2145.
Do We Have Hovercars By Then: No. So stop asking.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Monster #: 98,596
What Is It: A big, big monster.
What Does It Want: Not Known At This Time.
What's It Smiling About: I don't know. Nothing good I bet.
I Wish the Monsters Would Like Me: Me too.