Gregor

Monster #: 2,375

What Is It: A friendly alien.

What Does It Want: To say "hi" I guess.

Are All Aliens As Nice As Him: No.

Fuck: I feel the same.

Gnarkk

Monster #: 543,983

What Is It: I don't know, some sort of smug jackass.

What Does It Want: To make you feel bad about stuff, I think.

Oh No, I Like Stuff: I know, me too.

Can We Be Friends: (sniff)... I never thought you'd ask!

Gyffandaa

Monster #: 39,493

What Is It: A mysterious and ethereal monster.

What Does It Want: We don't know. Whatever she wants with that bug, it can't be good.

Maybe She'll Give It A Bath: Maybe she'll eat it.

You Always Go Dark: What can I say, I'm twisted person. Let me put on my Nickelback album just to show you how twisted I am.

Daya Zik

Monster #: 20,563

What Is It: A badass alien outlaw.

What Does It Want: She wants to commit crimes and get away with it!

Oh Wow, That's Messed Up: I know!

Does She Realize It's Wrong to Commit Crimes: She does, but she does it anyway!

Oh My God: I know!

Jllaacks

Monster #: 6,503

What Is It: Just a nasty, mean ol' monster.

What Does It Want: To rip everything else into shreds.

What About Shreds, Does It Rip Shreds Into Shreds: Shut up.

Wow, Rude: Don't do this shit, man.

Retttch

 Monster #: 6,783

What Is It: A tremendously annoying monster.

What Does It Want: To spend all of its time with you.

Why: He doesn't have any friends.

Is It Because He Tries To Spend All of His Time With Them: That's a bingo.

The Giant Octopus

Monster #: 98,349

What Is It: As the name would imply, it is a giant octopus.

What Does It Want: To eat people.

Hey, Wait A Minute, Octopi Don't Have Teeth: Well, this one does, what are you gonna do about, huh?

Well, Obviously, Then This Thing Can't Exist: Oh yeah. You see that photo, you think we Photoshopped this thing?

...Yes? I Mean, It's Not A Photo And It Obviously Used Photoshop Brushes: ...

You Still There: You get out of here right NOW!

Kronen

 Monster #: 3,049

What Is It: A real tough-guy monster.

What Does It Want: Beat up anybody it wants.

Why: Because he's desperate to prove his masculinity.

Hell, Me Too: Same.

Rrokjaaw

Monster #: 93,466

What Is It: An all-powerful alien king from a distant planet.

What Does It: He wants to seduce some human females.

So He's A Ladies Man: Oh my no, he's super awkward and gross.

Ha Ha: It is funny. Super important on his planet and can't even score a date here.

The Skulllch

Monster #: 98,589

What Is It: A tiny creature that lives in your joints.

What Does It Want: To play around and make you feel miserable.

Like Her: Oh yes, that's a skulllch having a lot of fun.

Can You Ever Get Rid of Them: No.

The Gazer

Monster #: 4,584

What Is It: A creature from beyond our dimension.

What Does It Want: To watch us.

Why: We cannot possibly fathom why.

Is It Cuz He's A Jerk: Possibly.

Blegh

Monster #: 2,980

What Is It: A very, very, very old monster.

What Does It Want: For you whippersnappers to keep it down!

Why Is He Nearly Naked: He just doesn't give a shit anymore.

I Wanna Be Like Him: Me too.

The Grundler

Monster #: 124,554

What Is It: A monster who delights in others' failures.

What Does It Want: To see everyone embarrass themselves.

Why: Because it has poor self-esteem.

That's Not Right: No it's not.

Grumm

Monster #: 654,096

What Is It: An icky little creature that lives at the bottom of the beach.

What Does It Want: To bite on your legs.

Wait, Some Weird Bite Marks Appeared On My Leg When I Was At Cancun This Year: Really?

Does That Mean... : I think it does.

Oh God: Yeah, it's pretty freaky.

Am I Going To Die: I dunno, maybe.

MAYBE!!?: I don't know! I just write the entries!

Oayau

Monster #: 893,246

What Is It: Some cute little thing.

What Does It Want: Who cares?

Why Are You So Angry: He bores me.

How Do You Pronounce His Name: Who f**king knows?

Drung

Monster #: 2,405

What Is It: I dunno. A monster.

What Do You Mean You Don't Know: Damnit, we don't know everything about every damn monster!

Why Not: Cuz we're busy!

I Don't Like Your Answers: Well I don't like you!

Grong

Monster #: 98,235

What Is It: A very athletic, angry monster.

Why Is It Angry: He didn't like the way you looked at him.

But I Didn't Look At Him: He thinks you did.

Oh No! Is He Going to Attack Me: Yes.

NOOO!!! I Gotta Run: He's faster than you. Sorry, pal.

Jaggar

Monster #: 836,253

What Is It: A very vicious, very mean monster.

What Does It Want: To attack innocent creatures.

Why: He enjoys being on top of the food chain.

I Thought People Were On Top of the Food Chain: Thought wrong, buddy.

The Sneek

Monster #: 62,562

What Is It: Some sort of angry, bird-like thing.

Why Is It Angry: It's a monster. It'd be more surprising if it wasn't angry.

That's Too Bad: I know.

I Want Everything to Be Happy: A noble dream.

The Dregnargg

Monster #: 9,239

What Is It: A very nasty, vicious monster.

What Does It Want: It wants whatever wants and doesn't care how it gets it.

What Is It Doing: It appears to be staring at something.

That's Not Good: Not for what it's staring at, that's for sure!