Reevak!

Monster #: 10,634

What Is It: A badass and edgy monster.

What Does He Want: He wants to NOT play by your rules, man.

He Doesn't Like My Rules: No way man, he thinks your rules are totally uncool.

(Sniff)... I Try My Best: Your best ain't good enough, old man!

Jllaacks

Monster #: 6,503

What Is It: Just a nasty, mean ol' monster.

What Does It Want: To rip everything else into shreds.

What About Shreds, Does It Rip Shreds Into Shreds: Shut up.

Wow, Rude: Don't do this shit, man.

Oswak

Monster #: 23,945

What Is It: Just kind of a normal dude.

What Does He Want: Normal dude things.

What Are "Normal Dude Things:" You know... things that are normal... for dudes.

You Don't Know Anything About This Guy, Do You: ...(sniff) This job is hard, man.

The Flying Man

Monster #: 6,584

What Is It: A man who can fly.

What Does He Want: To... fly. Duh.

Wait, How Can A Man Be A Monster: Can you fly?

No: Can Mothra fly?

Yes: So he's a monster.

I'm Confused: It's because you're dumb.

The Foretold

Monster #: 88,325

What Is It: A man who can see far, far into the future.

What Does He Want: To be left alone.

Why: No one should know their own future.

Fine, I Won't Ask: He'll let you know for $50.

Wait, What?: Hey, gotta make a livin' somehow.

Krong

Monster #: 89,235

What Is It: The cruel king of the planet Kremularg.

What Does It Want: To be mean to all his subjects.

Why: 'cuz he's a jerk.

But WHY Is He Such a Jerk: Because he can be. It's like life, man.

Whoah: Whoah.

Walter Rumson

Monster #: 6,799

What Is It: A poor man blessed with terrible powers.

Like What: He can see infinite potentiality.

That Doesn't Sound So Bad: He has no choice in the matter.

Oh: Yeah, he sees everything at every moment all the time.

Yikes: He's one of the sadder cases in our files.

The Yammering

Monster #: 567,258

What Is It: A big monster that likes to talk and talk and talk...

What Does It Want: To talk and talk and talk...

Why: He can't stop, that's all he can do.

How Sad: His is a life of tragedy indeed.

Billy Buff

Monster #: 67,200

What Is It: A monster man who's never said "No" to a steriod.

What Does It Want: He wants to be the buffest, swolest man on the planet.

Why: Because somebody's gotta be!

I Think He Might Have Insecurity Issues: Gee, really?

The Fendemp

Monster #: 67,890

What Is It: A monster who just wants to be friends.

What's Happening to Those Two People: Oh, they're sinking in quicksand.

Wait, The Fendemp Lives In Quicksand: Oh yes.

They're Not Going to Be Friends For Long: That's why the Fendemp's life is so tragic.

The Oks

Monster #: 10,689

What Are They: Nasty little critters.

What Do They Want: To do what their master tells them to do.

Who Is Their Master: The dude in the middle.

What Does He Want: I don't know man, but any guy in charge of monsters probably isn't a good dude.

Ayup

Monster #932

What Is It: A sweet little monster that also tastes delicious.

How Delicious: So delicious people try to catch Ayups all the time.

That's Terrible: Hey, don't judge until you've tried them.

What the Hell is Wrong With You: Ugh, stop shaming me.

The Billyjohn

Monster #: 714

What Is It: A cheerful little creature that sits on your shoulder.

What Does It Want: To provide fresh, optimistic new perspective on your troubles.

Sounds Annoying: Oh yes, indeed it is.

How Can I Avoid It: Always make the right decision.

...So I Can't Avoid It Then: No.

The Gonor

Monster #: 300

What Is It: We have no idea. It's big though.

What Does It Want: We have no idea.

Where Is It: We have no idea. Some place scary?

Who's That Guy: We have no idea.

Why's He Not Wearing a Shirt: He's very proud of his body.

The Lird

Monster #: 89

What Is It: A monster that likes to perch on your head.

What Does It Want: To annoy.

Why Does It Want To Annoy: Because it's a jerk.

I Don't Like This Monster: Neither do I, and I speak from personal experience.

Greenstreet

Monster #: 500

What Is It: A gangster monster that lives in the shadows.

What Does It Want: To make people pay up on old debts.

What Kind of Debts: Important debts.

How Can I Avoid Him: Be careful who you make deals with.