The Giant Octopus

Monster #: 98,349

What Is It: As the name would imply, it is a giant octopus.

What Does It Want: To eat people.

Hey, Wait A Minute, Octopi Don't Have Teeth: Well, this one does, what are you gonna do about, huh?

Well, Obviously, Then This Thing Can't Exist: Oh yeah. You see that photo, you think we Photoshopped this thing?

...Yes? I Mean, It's Not A Photo And It Obviously Used Photoshop Brushes: ...

You Still There: You get out of here right NOW!

Avvvia

Monster #: 9,585

What Is It: Avvvia is the ruler of a distant society.

What Does She Want: To extend her the reach of her power.

Why: Well hell, why not?

Is She a Good and Just Ruler: Hahahahaha of course not.

One of Theses Days There'll Be a Nice Dictator: Yeah, sure.

The Krivener

Monster #: 94,465

What Is It: A powerful, dangerous monster.

What Does It Want: To execute whatever its master wishes.

Is Its Master A Good Person: Haha no.

Ah, Shit: Yep, that's the response the Krivener evokes.

Oayau

Monster #: 893,246

What Is It: Some cute little thing.

What Does It Want: Who cares?

Why Are You So Angry: He bores me.

How Do You Pronounce His Name: Who f**king knows?

Drung

Monster #: 2,405

What Is It: I dunno. A monster.

What Do You Mean You Don't Know: Damnit, we don't know everything about every damn monster!

Why Not: Cuz we're busy!

I Don't Like Your Answers: Well I don't like you!

Grong

Monster #: 98,235

What Is It: A very athletic, angry monster.

Why Is It Angry: He didn't like the way you looked at him.

But I Didn't Look At Him: He thinks you did.

Oh No! Is He Going to Attack Me: Yes.

NOOO!!! I Gotta Run: He's faster than you. Sorry, pal.

The Showman

Monster #: 1,056

What Is It: A showman monster.

What Does It Want: He wants to put on The Greatest Show On Earth.

What Is The Greatest Show On Earth: Its destruction.

Not Much of a Show: Well, not for us.

Villusic

Monster #: 8,346

What Is It: Some sort of bio-mechanical monstrosity.

What Does It Want: To constantly proclaim his brilliance.

Is He Brilliant: Ha ha, no.

Really: Yeah, he's an idiot who thinks he's a genius.

So He's Incredibly Dangerous: Oh yes.

The Dregnargg

Monster #: 9,239

What Is It: A very nasty, vicious monster.

What Does It Want: It wants whatever wants and doesn't care how it gets it.

What Is It Doing: It appears to be staring at something.

That's Not Good: Not for what it's staring at, that's for sure!

Cromdom

Monster #: 3,030

What Is It: A very wise, very smug monster.

What Does It Want: To be right about everything.

How Is It Right About Everything: It's third eye can see all.

I Don't Like the Sound of That: No, you don't like the SIGHT of that.

Krong

Monster #: 89,235

What Is It: The cruel king of the planet Kremularg.

What Does It Want: To be mean to all his subjects.

Why: 'cuz he's a jerk.

But WHY Is He Such a Jerk: Because he can be. It's like life, man.

Whoah: Whoah.

The Mahyuk

Monster #: 456,274

What Is It: An angry, pissed off monster.

Why's It So Angry: Cuz it's left arm is kinda screwed up.

It's Not So Bad: Yeah, but he's really insecure.

That's Too Bad: Even monsters have self-image problems.

The Green-Eyed Demon

Monster #: 67,145

What Is It: A shapeless demon that possess whomever it sees fit.

What Does It Want: What else? To cause trouble.

Why: Gotta get your kicks somewhere, I guess?

How Can I Tell If Someone Is Possessed: If they have green eyes. Only demons have green eyes.

Oh No! My Best Friend Has Green Eyes: Oh no!

What Do I Do!!?: Beats us! We're just scientists! We don't actually know anything!

The Littlest Billings

Monster #: 898,396

What Is It: The littlest Billings.

So...: So, everybody makes fun of him for being so little.

That's Not Fair: Of course it's not fair!

Can He Do Anything About It: No. His life is doomed to eternal mockery.

This is Powerfully Depressing: Hey, maybe one day a Billings will be born littler than him!

The Gentleman

Monster #: 983,402

What Is It: He is the gentleman of the universe.

What Does That MEAN: He travels from planet to planet, gentleman-ing it up.

What Does THAT Mean: He acts as sort of an ambassador to the planet's dignataries.

And What Does THAT Mean: He decides whether a planet lives or dies. There, you happy?

No: WELL NEITHER AM I!!!

Stanton's Ghost

Monster #: 6,003

What Is It: The ghost of the fearsome western gangster, Henry Stanton.

What Does It Want: To haunt the men who gunned him down.

Wait, Who Gunned Him Down: The sheriff and his law enforcement.

How's That Fair: What do you mean?

Why Should An Evil Crook Get the Chance to Haunt the Good People Who Stopped Him: Uh.... life's not fair?

That's Not a Very Good Answer: Look, we're trying!

Roktenn

Monster #: 78,367

What Is It: A very clever, conniving monster.

What Does It Want: It looks like it wants to trick that poor kid.

What's He Smiling About: Man, you don't want to know.

I Don't Like This Guy At All: Join the club!

The Blue Gragnarr

Monster #: 98,456

What Is It: A very big, very hungry monster.

What Does It Want: To eat everything.

Everything: EVERYTHING.

What Happens When It Eats Everything: Then it stops. As does the world.

The Dark One

Monster #: 85,295

What Is It: A nasty creature that lives in the dark.

What Does It Want: Why your soul, what else.

What Does It Want With My Soul: He's a collector.

Oh, Like a Comic Book Collector: Yeah, sort of.

With Souls Instead of Comic Books: Yes.

...Still Don't Like Him: Can't blame ya'.

The Greech

Monster #: 865,269

What Is It: A scaly, slimy monster that lives in the water.

What Does It Want: To seriously creep you out.

Why: Man, why do any of these monsters do anything?

Cause They're Jerks: Yeah, that's about right.