Rraarrrggg

Monster #: 6,783

What Is It: A gigantic, lava-filled monster.

What Does It Want: To get rid of its terrible heartburn.

What's Causing the Heartburn: Are you really asking this?

Oh, Right, the Lava: Glad you caught up. Dumbass.

The Giant Octopus

Monster #: 98,349

What Is It: As the name would imply, it is a giant octopus.

What Does It Want: To eat people.

Hey, Wait A Minute, Octopi Don't Have Teeth: Well, this one does, what are you gonna do about, huh?

Well, Obviously, Then This Thing Can't Exist: Oh yeah. You see that photo, you think we Photoshopped this thing?

...Yes? I Mean, It's Not A Photo And It Obviously Used Photoshop Brushes: ...

You Still There: You get out of here right NOW!

Bombson

Monster #: 2,189,450

What Is It: A truly gigantic monster.

What Does It Want: Bombson just wants to make friends.

Really: Yeah, see that weird, bird-thing? He's trying to befriend it.

That's Nice: It is.

Is There Any Horrible Twist To Any of This: Nope. He's just a monster that wants friends.

Aww: Aww.

Nug

Monster #: 35,456

What Is It: A really, really, big monster.

How Big: So big this is all we can fit into a photo of him.

What Does He Want: Friends.

Does He Have Any: No. He always crushes them.

Sad: Yes.

Grogzilla

Monster #: 346,534,567

What Is It: Just a really, really big monster.

What Does It Want: To wreck cities 'n shit.

Why: Because it can, man.

Your Writing's Getting Really Informal: Yeah? Whaddya gonna do about it?

...Nothing: That's what I thought, ya' dummy.

The Bledge

Monster #: 6,720

What Is It: Just a big, big monster.

What Does It Want: To eat sailors, ships, battleships, all that good stuff.

Why: Because they taste very good to him.

I Don't Think They Taste Very Good: Well, you're not a giant monster now are you?

... No: That's what I thought.

Dolan

Monster #: 612

What Is It: A giant monster that stalks you at night.

What Does It Want: To make you pay for what you've done.

But What If I Haven't Done Anything: You've done something.

How Can I Stop Him: He can't be stopped.

Oh Boy...: Yeah...

Kobor

Monster #: 52

What Is It: A really big monster.

What Does It Do: Work at a hotel reception desk.

Really: Yeah.

Why: You'll be too scared to ask for extra mints on your pillow, that's why.

Kator the Gator

Monster #: 552

What Is It: A gigantic alligator.

What Does It Want: Who knows. He seems interested in you though.

Is That A Bad Thing: He's a gigantic alligator, you tell me.

I Remember When This Information Was Helpful: We can't help everybody, man.

Grarrlorr

Monster #: 40

What Is It: A 50ft giant monster that likes to ravage cities.

Is It Godzilla: No, it's similar to but not Godzilla, especially for copyright purposes.

What Does It Want: I think it wants a hug but the other guys here make fun of me for saying that. I have feelings you know.

No, I Didn't Know That: Well, you'd know if you took time to listen.

Gina and the Gredge

Monster #: 552

What Is It: A very large, very suggestible monster.

What Does It Want: To follow any order its master commands.

Wow, That's Pretty Cool: Yeah, they're a neat pet.

How Do I Get One: Well, that's the tricky part. You see, you have toCLASSIFIED INFORMATION

The Lava Monster

Monster #: 509

What Is It: A giant creature that lives among the volcanoes.

What Does It Want: To feast upon the lava flowing from the erupting volcanoes.

Is It Dangerous: Not as long as you leave it alone.

What Does Lava Taste Like: It's pretty hot, let me tell you...

Big Bass

Monster #: 32

What Is It: A gigantic fish with gigantic teeth that roams the sea.

What Does It Want: To eat.

What Does It Want To Eat: Oh, it's not picky.

I Don't Like The Sound of That: Yeah, well, I can't blame ya.

Monster #345

Name: Hugo

Weight: 50 tons (it's all in the thighs)

Mood: Angry

Favorite Activities: Standing Still, Breathing

What to do if you see him: Don't make fun of his neck. He's very sensitive about his neck.