Woolson

Monster #: 309,580

What Is It: A really hairy monster. Like, really, really hair.

How Hairy: Hairier than yo momma.

Hey Many, Leave My Mother Out of This, It's Going to Hurt Her Feelings: Oh gee, I'm sorry, I didn't realize.

Words Can Be Hurtful: You're right, I'm so sorry.

Ogilvie and Staker

Monster #: 29,843

What Are They: A duo of monsters.

What Do They Want: Ogilvie (the orange one) wants to to be friends with Staker (the yellow one).

What Does Staker Want: Uh... something different than what Ogilvie wants, that's for sure.

Theses Guys Aren't the New Bert and Ernie, Are They: Oh no.

The Krivener

Monster #: 94,465

What Is It: A powerful, dangerous monster.

What Does It Want: To execute whatever its master wishes.

Is Its Master A Good Person: Haha no.

Ah, Shit: Yep, that's the response the Krivener evokes.

The Skulllch

Monster #: 98,589

What Is It: A tiny creature that lives in your joints.

What Does It Want: To play around and make you feel miserable.

Like Her: Oh yes, that's a skulllch having a lot of fun.

Can You Ever Get Rid of Them: No.

The Lird

Monster #: 89

What Is It: A monster that likes to perch on your head.

What Does It Want: To annoy.

Why Does It Want To Annoy: Because it's a jerk.

I Don't Like This Monster: Neither do I, and I speak from personal experience.

The Debt Collector

Monster #: 89

What Is It: When you make a deal with the devil, this guy is the one who comes to collect.

What Does He Want: He wants you to pay up.

What Happens If You Can't Pay Up: Oh, you'll pay up.

I Don't Want to Meet This Guy: We all have to meet him sometime.

You and Yourself

Monster #: 3

What Is It: Normally you're a cheerful, well-adjusted person, right? Well, there's a part of you that isn't so nice.

Where Does It Come From: It comes from that bitter, misanthropic part of your mind.

What Happens When It Gets Loose: Well, you won't have too many friends anymore, that's for sure.

How Can I Stop It: Whenever you get angry over something or someone, ask yourself, "Is it really worth ragin' over?"

The Zit

Monster #: 3

What Is It: A truly evil little creature that feeds on the skin of teenagers.

What Does It Want: To cause pain and suffering to millions of people across the world.

How Can It Be Stopped: It can't. It just keeps coming back.

I Don't Think It's An Actual Monster: I guess you didn't go to high school then!