Many, Many Monsters

Drulul

2012-02-27T08:00:00.002-08:00

Monster #: 901

What Is It: A friendly monster that hangs out in bars.

What Does It Want: Just to say "Hey" and ask how it's going.

That's It: Yep, that's it.

Well, Gee, Now I Feel Bad For Brushing Him Off: You should.

Dopi

2012-02-24T08:00:00.001-08:00

Monster #: 533

What Is It: A sentient iPod that just wants to be your friend.

Wow, Really: You bet! He's already got all your favorite songs loaded.

OMG: I know right!

Is There a Catch: Yup! It feeds on human blood!

Grarrlorr

2012-02-22T08:00:00.009-08:00

Monster #: 40

What Is It: A 50ft giant monster that likes to ravage cities.

Is It Godzilla: No, it's similar to but not Godzilla, especially for copyright purposes.

What Does It Want: I think it wants a hug but the other guys here make fun of me for saying that. I have feelings you know.

No, I Didn't Know That: Well, you'd know if you took time to listen.

Dembo

2012-02-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #973

What Is It: A none-too-bright gangster monster.

Gangster Monster?: Yeah, he's part of the monster mafia.

There's a Monster Mafia?: Of course there's a monster mafia. Why wouldn't there be?

He Looks Like Somebody That's Gonna Get Whacked Soon: Oh yeah.

Joe the Monster Bartender

2012-02-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 61

What Is He: As the name applies, he's a monster bartender, named Joe.

What Does He Do: Runs a bar, serves beer, listens to your problems.

Wow, That Sounds Nice: Yeah, he's very helpful.

Huh, I Had No Idea: See, not all monsters are bad. Just most of the them.

Scratch

2012-02-15T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 665

What Is It: A ruthless agent that may or may not be a demon.

Where Does It Live: Where else? Hollywood baby!

What Does It Want: To help any aspiring actor or actress's career.

Is There a Catch: Oh you bet...

Temblur

2012-02-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 313

What Is It: Some sort of mechanical monster that's very angry.

Why's It Angry: Beats us. Bad day perhaps?

So Is It A Robot: Nope, a bio-mechanical being.

Wait, What: Well, a bio-mechanical being is one that - shoot, ran out of space. Sorry!

The Shapelings #2

2012-02-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 64

What Are They: Weird little critters based on shapes.

What's Going On: The triangle ones appear to be running away from the circle one.

Yeah, Sure I'll Buy That: Maybe it's like that level from "Super Mario Bros. 3."

The One With the Angry Sun: Yeah, and the circle is gonna try to hurt the triangles, but they gotta escape first! Man, that'd be pretty exciting.

Experiment #5

2012-02-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 607

What Is It: An experiment gone wrong.

What Does It Want: Beats me, I don't know everything!

What's So Wrong About It: It sets everything it touches on fire.

Even Stuff That Isn't Flammable: Especially stuff that isn't flammable

Nita Krull

2012-02-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 568

What Is She: The cruel empress of a forgotten empire below our surface.

How Cruel: Super cruel.

Did She Do Sacrifices or Something: You've seen "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" right?

Yeah: It's like that but a lot less pleasant.

Gremlin #1

2012-01-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 23

What Is It: A nasty little creature that likes to mess with technology.

That Means: Yep, the critter's inside your computer right now!

Oh No! That's Terrible: Yes, it is! You'd better do something!

Like What?: Smash your computer. That's the only way to stop it. (Many, Many Monsters is not responsible for destroyed property.)

Mordog

2012-01-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 912

What Is It?: A really big, really ugly monster.

Ugly?: Yeah, so ugly other laugh monsters laugh at him.

That's Not Nice: It's not. It really hurts his feelings.

How Does He Handle That?: Killing the monsters that make fun of him. You know, the basics.

The Thorants

2012-01-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 742

What Are They?: A rare species of bugs that are six feet tall and have human-like capabilities.

Like?: Well, they appear to be digging a hole.

Why?: We don't know, they won't talk to us.

Huh, That's Strange: Honestly, we're more curious about the thing that's inside the hole...

Sally Strange

2012-01-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster: #671

What Is She: A waitress for a monster-infested saloon.

Wow, This Entry's Crazy Right Off the Bat: Yep, it's a old-time western saloon with monsters for patrons.

I Assume She's Tough as Nails: Tougher.

Will She Fall For an Mysterious Gunslinger: Keep watchin'.

Stompasaur

2012-01-18T11:17:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 9

What Is It: A prehistoric creature that's still very much alive.

What Does It Want: To be left alone in the wild.

Where Does It Live: Places where the wild doesn't exist anymore.

Oh...: Yeah, you can see the problem.

Unknown #4

2012-01-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 955

What Is It: Not Known At This Time.

What Does It Want: Not Known At This Time.

Well, What Do We Know: It has a penchant for dark alleys.

And: And it's got an evil smile. We don't know much, OK?

The Spectre

2012-01-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 10

What Is It: An ethereal being that roams where it pleases.

What Does It Want: We don't know. A good time, perhaps?

Is It Dangerous: So far it seems harmless to humans.

What Are Those Pink Things: I'm afraid that's a different entry. Sorry!

The Shapelings

2012-01-11T17:01:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 63

What Are They: Weird little critters based on shapes.

Huh?: Yeah, we don't get it either.

Are They Nice: They seem harmless enough.

Will the Purple One Shake the Green One's Hand: We hope so. They should be friends.

Jimbo

2012-01-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 374

What Is It: A cute little guy that hides under your hat.

What Does It Want: He just wants to say hi and let you know he's lookin' out for you!

Oh, So He's A Good Guy: The best!

I Wouldn't Have Thought That: Hey man, that's your own problem.

Gina and the Gredge

2012-01-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 552

What Is It: A very large, very suggestible monster.

What Does It Want: To follow any order its master commands.

Wow, That's Pretty Cool: Yeah, they're a neat pet.

How Do I Get One: Well, that's the tricky part. You see, you have toCLASSIFIED INFORMATION

The Willow Ones

2012-01-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 20

What Is It: A strange, ethereal creature that does not exist in our mortal realm.

What Does It Want: Despite appearances, the Willow Ones seem to be kind and helpful.

Really?: Well, hopefully.

Where Does That Road Lead To: Wherever the Willow Ones want us to go.

"Debut" on Your Internet

2012-01-03T18:56:00.000-08:00

If you missed my short’s television premiere on “Reel NW” you can watch it on their website.

A number of other, terrific short films aired during the same episode as mine. You can see them here.

New monsters appear tomorrow, so keep a lookout!

"Debut" on Your TV

2011-12-23T15:21:00.000-08:00

Hey folks, there aren’t going too many updates for the rest of the year. Christmas time has hit and even monsters celebrate the holiday season.

But don’t worry, 2012 will bring many more monsters to your computer screen!

Also: in 2010 I created an award-winning short film, “Debut.” That short is going to air on the KCTS (Washington State’s PBS affiliate) program “Reel NW” this December 26th at 10:00pm. If you don’t live in Washington State you can check it out on their website (http://kcts9.org/reel-nw/animated-shorts) after it airs.

If you’ve got the time I hope you watch it! It’s only 2 minutes!

Happy holidays,
Ryan

The Lava Monster

2011-12-14T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 509

What Is It: A giant creature that lives among the volcanoes.

What Does It Want: To feast upon the lava flowing from the erupting volcanoes.

Is It Dangerous: Not as long as you leave it alone.

What Does Lava Taste Like: It's pretty hot, let me tell you...

The Slurk

2011-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 298

What Is It: An ugly little critter that lives in drinking water.

Wait, Drinking Water: Yep. Tap water, bottled water, water fountains, you name it.

What Does It Want: The slurk just wants to live its life free from hassle.

It Made An Exceedingly Poor Decision: Well, you can't win 'em all.

Rock Monster

2011-12-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 323

What Is It: A hard-rockin' monster that likes to party!

What Does It Want: To party! To hard rock music!

He Sounds Pretty Cool: He is!

Does He Have A Face Under That Hair: Who knows!

You and Yourself

2011-12-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 3

What Is It: Normally you're a cheerful, well-adjusted person, right? Well, there's a part of you that isn't so nice.

Where Does It Come From: It comes from that bitter, misanthropic part of your mind.

What Happens When It Gets Loose: Well, you won't have too many friends anymore, that's for sure.

How Can I Stop It: Whenever you get angry over something or someone, ask yourself, "Is it really worth ragin' over?"

Handler

2011-12-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 513

What Is It: An unlucky man with a nasty creature for his right hand.

Really: Yep. Also the creature craves human flesh.

That's Too Bad: But hey, it makes him a great puppeteer!

Well, I Guess That's Cool: See, you've always gotta look on the bright side.

The Shifter #2

2011-12-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 715

What Is It: An amorphous creature made out of reflected light.

What Does It Want: This brand of shifter likes to frighten what it considers lesser beings.

Why: Some things can't be known.

That's Kind Of a Cop Out: Don't be that way.

The Lizarians

2011-11-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 75

What Are They: A species of lizard monsters that are born either happy or sad and stay that way for the rest of their lives.

Wow, That Sounds Terrible: No wait, let me explain!

How Does That Work: The happy Lizarians keep the sad Lizarians from being too sad, and the sad Lizarians keep the happy Lizarians from being too happy.

What A Weird, Weird Relationship: Yeah, kinda.

The Gutsler

2011-11-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 462

What Is It: A pretty damned-foul creature with a lotta inside-parts.

What Is It Doing: We have no idea. Maybe trying to impress a mate?

Who Would Be Impressed By That: Hey, people can be into weird stuff.

I Don't Feel So Good: Yeah, well, we can't blame you. Sorry.

Charlie Monster

2011-11-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 833

What Is It: A large, friendly monster that lives in bedrooms.

What Does It Want: All he wants is to be your friend!

Has He Made Any Friends: No. But that doesn't mean he should stop trying.

How Does He Fit Through The Door: That's a good question that can't be answered right now. Sorry!

Monsters' Day Off

2011-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Hey folks, just a heads up: there will be no monster posted this Friday. Our monster friends deserve a break I think.

So this Friday, instead of checking out this blog, go see "The Muppets" instead.

Come on man, puppets rule.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Ryan

Demon Dog

2011-11-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 251

What Is It: An excitable little pooch that's also a demon.

Likes: Playing fetch, chasing it's tail, chewing on souls

Dislikes: The vacuum cleaner, cats, humanity

What To Do If You See It: Whatever you do, don't scratch under it's chin. That's just a bad, bad idea.

Sylvia the Snake

2011-11-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 73

What Is She: A friendly little snake that wouldn't hurt anyone.

Really?: Well, unless you're a mouse.

What Does She Want: To live her life the best way she can.

Don't We All?: Indeed we do.

Shadow Being

2011-11-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 452

What Is It: A creature that exists only as a shadow.

What Does It Want: To scare people.

Why: What else is it gonna do?

Maybe It Could Not Be So Mean: Oh, come on.

The Zit

2011-11-14T08:00:00.001-08:00

Monster #: 3

What Is It: A truly evil little creature that feeds on the skin of teenagers.

What Does It Want: To cause pain and suffering to millions of people across the world.

How Can It Be Stopped: It can't. It just keeps coming back.

I Don't Think It's An Actual Monster: I guess you didn't go to high school then!

The Shifter

2011-11-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 714

What Is It?: An amorphous creature made out of reflected light.

Reflected Light?: Yes. The shifter uses reflected light to camouflage itself.

What Does It Want?: To stay hidden from the eyes of mankind.

What Happens If We See It: Well...let's just say it knows how to defend itself.

Jump and Slump

2011-11-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monsters #: 310 and 311

What Are They: Two monsters with polar opposite personalities.

What Do They Want: Jump wants to play with Slump and Slump wants Jump to leave him alone.

How Often Does That Happen: Every moment of every day.

So They're Not Much of a Threat?: Nah.

The NightBeast

2011-11-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

Monster #: 502

What is It: A mean, nasty creature that comes out at night.

What Does It Want: Not much. Just to hunt people.

Who's the Guy: A detective that's gotten in over his head.

Will He Survive: He's a tough old bird. He's got a shot.

Li'l Gargoyles

2011-11-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 881

What Are They: Cute little gargoyles that hang out on the tops of buildings.

Aren't Gargoyles Man-made statues: Oh, don't be silly.

What Do They Want: Hideout until they become adult gargoyles.

What Happens When They Become Adult Gargoyles: That's a different monster profile.

Unknown #3

2011-11-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

What Is It: A mysterious creature that appears in cities on dark nights.

What Does It Want: Not known at this time.

Is It Related to the Fog Somehow: Maybe.

I'm Scared: Yeah, well...

Loverlorn

2011-10-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 701

What Is It: An unlucky-in-love monster that just wants to go out on a date.

Why: Even monsters want to feel love.

Aw, That's Kinda Sweet: Yeah, it kinda is.

I Still Wouldn't Date Him Though: Completely understandable.

The Ghost of the Web

2011-10-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 312

What Is It: A ghost that travels throughout the internet.

What Does It Do: Pop out of devices linked to the internet just so it can scare the pants off you.

Wait, Isn't Everything Linked to the Internet These Days?: Yeah, pretty much.

Well...Shoot: It's not great news, that's for sure.

The Bogens

2011-10-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 857

What Are They: Disturbingly cheerful monsters that haunt your dreams.

My Dreams: Yes, your dreams. They're like Freddy Krueger, only scarier.

How Can I Avoid Them: Make sure you live a life of altruism and selflessness.

So, I Can't Avoid Them, Can I: Nope. Doesn't hurt to try though!

Big Bass

2011-10-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 32

What Is It: A gigantic fish with gigantic teeth that roams the sea.

What Does It Want: To eat.

What Does It Want To Eat: Oh, it's not picky.

I Don't Like The Sound of That: Yeah, well, I can't blame ya.

The Greckle

2011-10-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 523

What Is It: A nasty little imp that likes annoying people.

Likes: Causing mischief, inflicting pain.

Dislikes: People who don't play with him, time outs.

Last Seen: Having fun at the Mall of America.

The Facelings

2011-10-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 613

What Are They: Weird, amoeba-like creatures.

Where Do They Live: Just below the surface of our own perceptions.

Are They Dangerous: They seem to be more interested in each other than us.

What If Happens If They Become Interested in Us: Why you always gotta be asking questions like that?

Bud

2011-10-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 116

What is He: A tongue with a mind of its own.

What Does He Want: He just wants to entertain!

Where Did He Get That Tiny Top Hat: From a tiny hat store.

Wait, There's a Tiny Hat Store in This Guy's Mouth: No, that would be silly. In his throat.

Oyon the Wise

2011-10-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 57

What is He: A Mystic that lives at the top of the Mountains.

Is He Actually a Mystic: His disciples certainly hope he is.

Who's the Other Guy: A follower looking for enlightenment.

Will Oyon Help Him Out: Probably not.

Jip and Kip

2011-10-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monsters: 900 and 901

What Are They: Weird, weird little critters.

What Do They Do: They sorta bounce while they walk in no particular direction.

Are They Dangerous: When they stop smiling.

What Happens When They Stop Smiling: You don't want to know.

Willa the Wisp

2011-10-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 635

What is She: A strange spirit from another realm.

What Does She Do: Dances an odd dance at the witching hour on All Hallows Eve.

Who Are Her Friends: Poltergeists who want to join in on the fun.

What To Do If You See Her: Too late. You're part of the fun now.

The Treltzs

2011-10-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster # 883

What Are They: Creepy, weird creatures of unknown origin.

What Do They Want: We don't know. We don't want to know.

Are They Related to Those "Gray" Aliens: Maybe. Go ask Whitley Streiber.

Why Don't You Ask Him: Look, I'm busy, OK?

Earcrab

2011-10-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #349

What Is It: A nasty little crustacean that digs into your ear with its weird tentacle/claws.

Why Would It Do That: Because it's a jerk? Not much is known beyond that...

What Happens After It Attacks My Ear: You're going to have one hell of a headache.

How Can I Stop It: Ear plugs. We think.

The Doktor and Ivor

2011-10-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #551

Who Are They: A mad scientist and his evil creation

What is the Creation: We don't know. Something big.

He's Rather Nasty Looking: The scientist or the creature?

Last Seen: At the Doktor's castle, somewhere in Eastern Europe.

Scrak

2011-09-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 413

What Is It: A babysitting dragon out of his element.

What Does It Want: To not babysit anymore.

Why: Baby dragons like to bite. A lot.

But They're So Cute: Well yeah, from a distance anyway.

Octothug

2011-09-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 67

What Is He: A nasty sailor-octopus-ruffian

What Does He Do: Hang around the docks, ruff up the tourists

Why's He So Mean: His parents didn't raise him right

That Doesn't Mean He Should Take It Out On Others: I know, it doesn't

Hellcat

2011-09-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 806

What Is It: One baaaad kitty

Where's It From: Well, I think the name would give you a hint

Likes: Mice, sucking out babies' breath

Dislikes: Dogs, spray bottles

Monster Mirror

2011-09-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 739

What Is It: A strange mirror full of tiny little monsters

Can They Escape: No. Well, probably not.

Are They Mean: They're more interested in making mischief.

I Don't Like The Sound of That: Yeah, it's not great.

Unknown #2

2011-09-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 953

What Is It: A cohort of Unknown #1

What Does It Want: To scare people, maybe?

Why Is It Wearing a Gangster Outfit: I dunno, I think the weird green glow is a more pressing concern.

Am I Safe: Not Known at This Time

Unknown #1

2011-09-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 952

What Is It: Not Known at This Time

What Does It Want: Not Known at This Time

Were Does It Hide: Just on the edge of your peripheral vision

I Wish You Hadn't Told Me About This Thing: Yeah, me too

KingJack

2011-09-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 903

Who Is He: The ruler of a dystopian planet.

What Is He: A nasty alien that may or may not be older than the Big Bang.

What's He the Most Proud Of: That rockin' chin. That thing's huge.

Hey, Isn't This Guy Just a Ripoff of Darkseid: Shh!

The Zoglodians

2011-09-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 813

What Are They: Tiny little creatures that live just beyond our own conception of reality

What Do They Do: Aimlessly move around as a part one giant teeming mass

Are They Dangerous: No. Well, not now anyway

What Do You Mean "Not Now?" Uh, hey look, another monster...

Skiktrik

2011-09-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 450

What Is It: Some sort of weird, bio-mechanical creature.

What Does It Do: Scuttle around hacking into your computer.

What Does It Want: It feeds on the Internet.

Excuse Me: The Internet is delicious apparently.

Ostrick

2011-09-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 713

Who Is He: An ostrich with delusions of grandeur

How Can an Ostrich Wear a Suit: I don't know, why are you asking me?

Likes: Bowler hats, putting his head in a hole in the ground

Dislikes: Unsophisticated riff raff, holes that are too small

Grimsby

2011-09-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 349

Who Is He: A Very Upper Class Monster

Taste In Suits: Only the Finest May Touch His Scales

Is That Bowler He's Wearing: Oh, Most Certainly Yes!

Is He Completely Unbearable To Be Around: Absolutely

Sophistiator

2011-09-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster # 566

Who Is He: An elegant and refined monster

Really?: Yeah, he has a pipe and monocle.

Likes: Costume Balls, drinking tea, eating people

Dislikes: Rudeness, anti-intellectualism, people

Krik

2011-08-31T08:41:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 747

Who Is He: Some sort of reptile thing?

How Sharp Are His Teeth: Sharper than knives.

Yikes: Yeah, he's a "biter" too.

What's He Looking At: It's probably for the best we can't see it.

Irving

2011-08-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 706

Who Is He: A Mean Gator That Just Wants to Dance!

Why Does He Want To Dance: Because He's Just Got To!

Likes: Dancing!

Dislikes: That town from the movie "Footloose." They won't let kids dance!

DeKaard

2011-08-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 817

What Is He: A Hired Killer

Likes: Killing, Being Paid for Killing

Dislikes: Not Killing, Not Being Paid for Killing

What to Do if You See Him: Quickly make a bargain with a deity of your choice 'cuz you don't have much time left

Eles

2011-08-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 16

What Is It: An Unknown Creature From a Distant Time

Where Did It Live: The Mountains of Europe

When Did It Live: Medieval Times

Has It Survived: Maybe...

Fewer Monsters (For a Little Bit)

2011-08-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, posting's going to be a little light for the rest of August. Life's going to be pretty busy for a while, and I'm not going to be posting a new monster every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

But don't worry! There will be new monsters in August and many more in the future. So keep on the look out!

Thanks,
Ryan

Declan and His Shadow

2011-08-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 257

Who Is He: A Nasty Man With a Nastier Shadow

Oh Dear: Oh Dear is Right

What Does He Do: A Top Business Consultant Who Always Gets His Way

Last Seen: Negotiating at Congress. Oh No!

Octojerk

2011-08-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

Monster #: 343

What Is It: An Octopus With a Bad Attitude

Why Does It Only Have Six Tentacles: That's Why It Has a Bad Attitude!

Likes: Fish, Squeezing

Dislikes: Whales, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea"

Monster #204

2011-08-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

Name: Kevin the Frog

Who Is He: Kermit the Frog's Creepy Older Brother

Oh My: Yeah, Jim Henson Doesn't Talk About Him Too Much

Why Is He Smiling At Me: Cause He's Creepy, Duh

What to Do If I See Him: Sing "Rainbow Connection" and Get the Hell Outta There!

Monster #962

2011-08-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Name: Alyssa

Wait, Is She Really a Monster: Yes

How Can You Tell: She Doesn't Have a Nose

Well...: Also, She Smokes

I Don't Know: Look, Just Take Our Word For It, OK?

Monster #52

2011-07-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

Name: The Kreks

What Are They: A species of intelligent aliens from beyond our galaxy

Skills: Able to construct and fly advanced spaceships

Problems: Cannot read maps

What To Do If You See Them: Come on. lend them a hand

Monster #413

2011-07-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Name: Molinar

What Is It: A Nasty Mole Creature

Where Does It Live: Underground. Until It Comes Up To Eat.

Is He The Guy That Wrecks My Garden: No, That's a Different Monster

Wait, How Many Monsters Are There: Keeping Reading This Blog

Monster #692

2011-07-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

Name: Birdhat

Home: Inside a Top Hat

Does He Ever Leave It: Nope

Disposition: Goofy

What To Do If You See Him: Don't touch his hat, whatever you do, don't touch his hat

Monster #585

2011-07-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

Name: Bogart Spade

Occupation: Private Eye for the Supernatural

Likes: Troubled Dames, Money

Dislikes: Troubled Dames, What It Takes To Get The Money

What to Do if You See Him: Don't call him a Private Dick. He doesn't think that's as funny as you do.

Monster #93

2011-07-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

Name: Greta

What Is She: Some Sort of Bug-Thing, Maybe?

Wait, Is That Lipstick She's Wearing: Yeah, It Is

And How Can a Bug-Thing Have Hair: I Don't Know!

What To Do If You See It: She's only 6 inches tall, don't step on her, that's rude

Monster #133

2011-07-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

Name: Joe Dark

Occupation: Gangster for Hire

Favorite Places: Dark Alleyways, Seedy Night Clubs

Skilled At: Breaking Thumbs

What To Do If You See Him: Don't give him a funny look, he hates funny looks

Monster #253

2011-07-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

Name: Billy Bug (the blue one)

Likes: Jenny Bug (the pink one), Holding Hands

Dislikes: Being Sad, That Giant Thing Behind Him

Size: 5 Feet Tall (You thought he'd be smaller, but you were wrong)

What to Do if You See Him: Swat at him, shoo, go away bug!

Monster #731

2011-07-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

Name: Demora

What the Hell Is It: You Don't Want to Know

Where Does It Live: Just Beyond Our Perception of Reality

Wow That's Pretty Creepy: Yeah, It Is

What to Do If You See It: You don't see it, it sees you

Monster #425

2011-07-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

Name: Evrock

Occupation: Ancient Evil

Things He Likes To Do: Unleash Armies of Demon Bats

Is He Fun At Parties: Not For Us, Anyway

Last Seen: Foretelling the End of the World.

Monster #842

2011-07-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

Name: Medusa

Likes: Foolish heroes, Snakes

Dislikes: Perseus, Moongooses

Favorite Hair Care Product: Finding one that deals with snakes is just impossible

What to Do if You See Her: Too late, pal

Monster #603

2011-07-06T11:32:00.001-07:00

Name: Plasman

What Is It: Beats Me

What's It Doing: I Have No Idea

I'm Scared: Me Too

What To Do If You See It: Get the hell out of its way

Monster #567

2011-07-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

Name: Snap

Likes: Deception, People's Faces

Dislikes: Bees, Pruning

Favorite Saying: "Remember to stop and smell the roses."

What to Do if You See Him: Go to a flower shop instead

Monster #805

2011-06-29T10:48:00.001-07:00

Name: Stonehead

Body Type: Rock. What else?

Has a Soft Spot For: Butterflies

Strength: Able to lift 50 tons without breaking a sweat

Last Seen: Smashing rocks at the quarry.

Monster #687

2011-06-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

Name: Patrick Wolfman

Occupation: Werewolf of Wall Street

Likes: Money, Full Moons

Dislikes: Lack of Money, Silver Bullets

Warning: His stock tips are terrible

Monster #453

2011-06-22T09:32:00.001-07:00

Name: Vanisa

Occupation: Party Girl

Flexible: You Bet

Grip on Reality: Loosening

Last Seen: Tripping the Light Fantastic. I think that's what they call it nowadays.

Monsters #32 and 33

2011-06-20T09:02:00.001-07:00

Names: Ip (left) and Ak (right)

Type of Partnership: Long-suffering

Which One's the Schemer: Ak

Which One's the Neurotic: Ip

Do their plans ever succeed: No.

Monster #345

2011-06-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

Name: Hugo

Weight: 50 tons (it's all in the thighs)

Mood: Angry

Favorite Activities: Standing Still, Breathing

What to do if you see him: Don't make fun of his neck. He's very sensitive about his neck.

Monster #903

2011-06-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

Name: Kip

Height: 6ft

Mood: Happy-Go-Lucky

Chances He'll Be Eaten by the Other Monsters: 100%

Last Seen: Skipping Through the Park

Monster #72

2011-06-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

Name: Leviathor

Height: Tall Enough, Damnit.

Favorite Hangouts: Right Under Your Ship

Favorite Game: Surprise!

What To Do if You See Him: Don't worry, he'll be the last thing you'll ever see.

Monster #240

2011-06-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

Name: Eckt

Wingspan: Longer than you

Regards for Personal Space: None

How Sharp are the Claws: Very

What to Do if You See Him: Duck

Monster #381

2011-06-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Name: Strictor

Likes: Eating People

Dislikes: Not Eating People

Length: Too Long

Last Seen: Slithering Around Subway Tunnels

Monster #501

2011-06-06T18:35:00.000-07:00

Name: Trok

Height: 50 feet (give or take)

Disposition: Annoyed

Last Seen: Underneath the Atlantic Ocean

What to do if you see him: Run